grepalife
i have been busy as a bee lately, not because i want to, but because events certainly have their way of keeping me busy, enabling me to divert my attention from what is depressing to what is light and amusing. i have also been busy with school work and some org work that i am definitely occupied. honestly, i am tired. i long for time to bum around in my house and engage in simple, grepalife living. hehehe. i bet only caroline can relate this since we do this every time we hang out. hahaha.
let me define grepalife. grepalife can either mean 1.) simply hanging out and doing nothing with friends, 2.) icky guys who wear all black and who look like a cross between a snatcher and a rocker and 3.) feeling useless and unproductive.
i have been living the grepalife lately. grepalife living in oz cafe, mini stop, dannylicious, drew's, oye, starbucks, ababu kitchen and even here at home. hehehe. and im not complaining. during grepalife, i have had the most amazing conversations with people that mean a lot to me as well as with people who are starting to be a part of my life.
its amazing that after losing a friend tragically, i have gained a LOT of new friends. i thank god for this. that through the depression and the guilt, i have a lot of people to comfort me and make me feel lucky, lucky enough to be alive. living the grepalife has never been this fun.
one of my latest grepalife sessions is with caroline in mini stop, teacher's village yesterday. we met my blockmate and orgmate, pat, there because i needed to video an on-cam interview for my television journalism class. since i was feeling all grepalife, i decided to do the interview right there and then and with caroline as the interviewee. everything worked out fine and we ended up spending the rest of the afternoon hanging out at mini stop and eating cookies while i gorged on my addiction, C2! hahaha. we went home at around 6pm.
another memorable grepalife session which i had last week was again with caroline. this time, it just wasnt the two of us. we were with p.diddy. caroline and i were just at AS steps when p.diddy texted me to eat out. he picked us up there and we went to gayuma in katipunan. i had my beau or the roast beef with some vegetables. one thing that's bad about grepalife is that i have started to become trigger-happy when it comes to food! i have been eating a lot and starting to eat really, good food. when before i was contented with plain, old masscomm caf food, i now crave for chocolate kiss cafe's beef stroganoff and oz cafe's tomato herb soup. not to mention dannylicious' barbeque! hahaha. i have been so up on the topic of food that my friend, kevin, who is a chef, even offered to cook puttanesca pizza for me. hehehe.=) while in gayuma, caroline, p.diddy and i had one of the most intellectually stimulating conversations i have ever had. its amazing that we even lost track of the time since we were having so much fun talking. hey batch, i know you're his number one supporter now. hahaha. but its a bit too early to say. after all, he's not the only guy in the world. i dont want to decide just yet. im keeping my fingers crossed that you-know-who will come around. lets give him time. =)
the best thing about living the grepalife is having the most enlightening of conversations. i now have nearly perfect answers to the questions that boggle me at night. analyzing some events and some people is also a big part of the grepalife. i now know what to say when im asked a certain question and i now pretty much figured out what i want or who i want. hehe. most importantly, i now know what and who i need. i have learned to put things in perspective and decide to give things a chance and wait for them to unfold. after all, while in grepalife, you are trained to wait, do nothing and just let things happen.
i am not in a rush now. i am enjoying my life and its complications. for me, its the complications that make me wake up every single morning and face each intricacy with my innate gorgeousness. i am graduating from college this year and i plan to savor every single second, most of them in grepalife. not entirely though or else my thesis partner will kill me! hahaha.=) and of course, i have my precious GWA to consider.=p
living the grepalife made me smile amidst the tragedy and kept me sane even if my life is turning out to be complicated with all its twists and turns. yes, the "guys" are a big part of the complications but i am now playing mum on the subject. i am still waiting for something, or rather someone to do something. hahaha. for the meantime, grepalife rules! during times i shouldnt be doing something important, that is.
you see, im still responsible, despite my grepalifestyle.
off the court
i just got home about an hour ago and im sleepy. i had dinner with my batchmate, caroline, and my orgmate, roge at dannylicious, project 4 and i am so stuffed. we had delicious barbeque and i even had a latte and some cookies on the way home. a guy im seeing lately, courtesy of the great matchmaker, anna, told me that its good im not gaining weight. well, i admit i eat a lot and i sleep a lot but i live an active lifestyle. so there. i shall call this guy p. diddy in this blog. p.diddy, amazingly, is an intellectual and talks endlessly and articulately about anything under the sun. but, i dont get bored listening to him. he's genuinely nice and gets along with caroline. that is a big plus since i pretty much listen to caroline's opinion when it comes to guys i go out with. p. diddy and i even have the same interests, namely law, FHM's ladies' confessions, eating, sleeping and studying! hahaha. geeks. for now, let me just say that i have a good feeling about p.diddy.=)
but this entry is not about p.diddy. its about another guy, a special guy i shall call alecsander. if you are a frequent visitor of my blog, you might have seen this name in one of my previous entries. alecsander is genuinely nice and for the past few weeks, i have grown closer to him and he has grown closer to me as well. it even came to the point where i would be so affectionate towards him that he would tease me and say that i love him already. this is weird because i am actually open to the possibility that i may fall for him. i like him a lot, which is the reason i appreciate the time and the attention he is giving me.
when i was depressed over the accident i was in, he was one of the few people who really comforted me. i appreciate the conversations and the fact that he didnt feel alienated when i was acting out of character. he made me laugh and smile and was vocal that he is glad that i am alive. spending time with alecsander is comforting and i find myself smiling whenever he says or does something sweet. consequently, i also find myself missing his company whenever he is not around and acting giddy when he tells me he seriously misses me.
he recently told me not to be a player when im off the court. i dont get this and i dont know what he means. but as iv explained in one of my entries in this blog, i am not a player. im not playing with alecsander's feelings nor am i being dishonest with what i feel. ive always been off the court and i have never done anything to mislead him or make him feel that he is being played.
alecsander is pretty special to me. and though he thinks that i take everything too lightly and that i am inconsistent, i mean every word in this entry. i am serious and i am not joking. this time, i will not take back everything just after a mere 20 minutes.
again, i stress, i have always been off the court.
argh. why does everyone think im a player?
please. underneath all the masks, im really not.
downloading
this has got to be the most frustrating night ever. i have a geography exam tomorrow and i have no readings at all. to top this predicament, i am now downloading powerpoint files, count them, 7 attachments to an email message from my thesis partner, emman! thanks, emman. but i just couldnt imagine how am i going to cram all this information in my stressed brain! the exam is tomorrow, together with my graduation pictorial. what a horrendous way to start the day i get to have my pictures taken! argh. i am so frustrated.
plus, i am a bit confused about this guy i shall call diesel in this blog. diesel confuses me big time. he told me he likes me and i see that he does but sometimes, i dont feel him. it makes me think that he is holding his guard and that he is not showing his emotions entirely to me. honestly, he fails to make me feel extremely special. yes, he goes out of his way to do things for me and tells me where he is at times but i feel that it is not enough. i fear that he thinks he is just one of my "guys." when in reality, he isnt just one of them. diesel is special and im worried that if he continues to be like this, he might just lose me. worse, i might lose all interest in him. this is not good since i actually like diesel, a lot.
anyway, i have finished downloading the stuff i need for tomorrow. i might as well start studying. im keeping my fingers crossed diesel will not be like this tomorrow. i am tired of feeling frustrated towards him. truthfully, i might just end up ignoring him if he keeps this up. i have no energy for frustrations right now. diesel, no more dilly-dallying please.
moving on
moving on from a tragedy is no easy task, especially when everyone around you wants to talk about it and constantly asks you if you are alright. i am glad that everyone is so concerned about me but sometimes, i would rather talk about something else. or instead of asking me if im alright, let me FEEL that you want me to be alright. hug me. kiss me. touch me. i have been saying this over and over again. i am a bit sensitive now so i crave for attention and affection.
i have been keeping myself busy with school and hanging out with friends, sorority sisters and orgmates. its amazing that the past week was so packed with activities that i was bit able to take my mind off what happened. spending time with friends really helped me get back on my feet. and though i still dream of kenji a lot, i am now moving on. some friends have helped me cope with the problem a lot. through lunches, cigarette breaks, videoke afternoons, red horse with sisters and brods, sisig while dancing the night away, parties at the old spaghetti house and public relations planning at starbucks, i was certainly kept busy from thinking about the tragic accident.
i am starting to move on and i can feel the normalcy of my life is starting to return. i laugh and i smile more frequently now but there is still that burning feeling in my heart whenever i am reminded of what happened. it still hurts. the only thing that could take away this pain is justice, justice for kenji. i pray that he gets this. not only for my peace of mind, but for the memory of a guy who had a bright future ahead of him and who was special enough to have been a very significant part of my life, by making me appreciate life and all its intricacies.
new people have started to become parts of my life this week. i am thankful for these new people. they have given me new things to talk about and to cling on to. some old friends have started to show new feelings as well. im keeping my fingers crossed that this continues. consequently, i am starting to feel new emotions. i pray that i wont be disappointed in the end. i am happy now and i hope that as i move on, i would be happier.
so please, dont disappoint me. please keep me happy. i know you want me to. you know who you are. moving on is truly easier with you at my side.
new life
a lot of people have been asking me what happened and a lot of my friends, orgmates, sorority sisters and all the people close to me practically know nothing about the accident. i have been telling the story over and over again, to my family, my friends and to anyone who dares ask me what happened. the past few days have been a blur to me. i cry, i sleep, i eat. nothing takes my mind off what happened and it hurts. it hurts, big time.
i was out friday night. it was in a place near tapika, along katipunan. kenji kept asking me where i was and insisting that i dont leave the place because he wanted to see me. kenji was 16 years old and he was a fourth year high school student at benedictine international school. he was a promising basketball player and la salle has already recruited him for next year. we met exactly a week ago in meatshop, xavierville and we have been texting constantly. though this may seem superficial, yes, let me say that we were flirting. but i thought nothing of it. he was only 16. i thought of it as him having a crush.
he arrived at the place with his friends at around 1am and i was about to leave. i promised alvin id go home early but the people there insisted that i stay for a bit. around 3am, i decided to really go home and gerly will be going home with me. kenji and his friends asked me if they could hitch a ride and get off at the overpass in front of ateneo since they will be going home at project 4. they will just be crossing the overpass. around 3:45 am, we all got into my car and headed towards ateneo. i stopped beside the overpass and heard kenji say, "thanks, arcie. bye. tomorrow ha?" and then, everything went black. i didnt feel the collision and i dont remember a car speeding towards us.
when i regained consciousness, i was in a hospital bed in quirino memorial medical center. gerly was hysterical and i learned that kenji is dead. i went through that saturday in a blur. i looked for my cellphone and the first message i read was from alvin. he was mad at me for making him wait. he didnt know about the accident so i called him and explained what happened. i dont recall what happened next because next thing i knew, he was at the hospital. he was with me for the whole day. that day was all a blur to me though so i really dont know what happened. i was in the hospital, then at camp karingal, MMDA impounding area in pasig, camp karingal again and then at the quezon city hall. a lot transpired with me in shock.
i went to kenji's wake last sunday night and yesterday morning. he was buried yesterday but i couldnt make it, my mom was there though. i was in UP during his funeral. i couldnt go, im too emotional and being at his wake alone messed up my mind and my heart and made me cry buckets, i knew i wasnt ready for his funeral. i am too physically and emotionally drained. i prayed that he is in a better place right now. and i pray that he gets justice. we have filed a case against the guy who was driving the car that crashed into us. i am a witness and i promise to be committed to his case for as long as it will take.
i got a CT scan and an x-ray last monday. everything is normal with me but i had a mild concussion and my back absorbed some shock from the collision. the doctor prescribed pain killers and some pills for the muscle spasms. i am still a bit light-headed though because i feel like i have been going through my days in a blur.
i have been talking to a lot of friends lately and i am relieved. talking helps me cope with the problem. it relieves me to be talking to someone just for the sake of talking and i know i need all the affection i can get. i am a bit sensitive right now. i constantly need to be paid attention to and i yearn to be touched, kissed and embraced. i have started to become brutally honest. if i want to say something, i say it. i do this because there is this fear inside me that i may never get to say that ever again and that i may never touch that person ever again. this is a new life for me and i dont want to waste it. i am savoring every single second. they say that kenji is my savior. without him to get the impact of the collision, i would have been dead by now. he was at the back of my seat. i missed death by several inches. kenji is my angel. i may not know the reason why this event happened but i know in the future, i will know. and i will understand. this accident happened for me to learn something. kenji became an instrument for me to know more about life and to realize that i am fortunate, very fortunate to be alive and to be loved.
i want to thank everyone who was concerned enough to ask if im alright. i am not alright but i will be. i pray that it will be sooner. i hope ill move on from this and i pray that the normalcy of my life will return.
thanks to my mom, who despite overreacting and asking me over and over again how i lived, showed me that she cares and that she is thankful i am alive.
thanks to my cousin bapbap and my yaya arlene for being there when i woke up in the hospital and withstanding my short temper up to now.
thanks to shayne, ryan and brennie who were there to accompany me to kenji's wake. thanks for simply being there.
thanks to emman who went straight to my house to make my assignments for me. thanks, emman. i owe you a lot.
thanks to my sorority sisters. thanks for trying to take my mind off what happened over lunch last monday.
thanks to my friend alecsander. for the conversations, for breakfast and for constantly reminding me that he is glad that im alive. thank you for injecting humor in my angst-ridden week. thank you also for the talks. i am happy you are there to listen.
thanks to alvin, who is really more than just a friend lately. for the diversion you created last sunday to take my mind off what happened and for the talks. thank you for simply being there, especially last saturday. you dont know how much that means to me. thank you also for putting up with my complications and for trying to make me smile.
in shock
my friend, kenji, died in a car accident with me and inside my car. i am still in shock. it happened so fast that everything went black and i couldnt remember anything about the collision. i woke up in a hospital bed, with no recollection of what happened. this is so unfair. he's too young to die. he would have been a great basketball player. and he's one of the nicest guys ive ever met. again, i am still in shock.
kenji, i hope you are in a better place now. im truly sorry for what happened. i will miss your crazy antics, your text messages and the way you say,"wholesome?" i will pray for you all the time. i will remember you. always.
kiss
i cackle like a gorgeous witch whenever i kiss a "frog."
when i got my first kiss, i was in second year high school. i was in tacloban back then for a national press conference and i wasnt expecting it to happen at all. it was with my first boyfriend, brennie. i remember that it was in this old, abandoned school building one night. i was getting sleepy or maybe a bit bored over his stories that i leaned against his shoulder and closed my eyes. next thing i knew, his lips were against mine and i had just got the very first kiss from a guy in my life. ironically, i didnt make a big deal of it. since it is technically a stolen kiss, i got a bit irritated. nevertheless, it was special to me up to now because it was with a guy i really liked. i liked him so much we were together three times in my twenty years of existence! we even remain good friends up to now because we both know each other very well.
though my memory of my first kiss is now a bit blurry and i sometimes remember it with irritation, im happy that it actually happened. without the first kiss, there wont be a second, or a third, or a fourth, and so on. honestly, i lost count of the people i had kissed. there were even times that a kiss is just a kiss for me and i thought nothing special of it. but there are also times where the kiss is so amazing i would end up wanting to kiss that person more and wishing that he would be mine.
i once read a shirt that said, "you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet a prince." i know i have kissed a lot of frogs, even fat, warty frogs. hahaha. but, i know i have kissed a handful of princes. every kiss meant something and i remember every kiss as something with meaning, which in my opinion, reminds me of an event in my life or a realization that things are changing and that i am maturing. sometimes, i even remember a guy through his kiss. instantly, i can classify him as a frog or a prince.=)
a kiss for me now holds a lot of meaning. though there was a time in my life that a kiss is really just a kiss, i now see it as something that shows love, care and attachment to a person. i promised myself lately that i wouldnt kiss anyone unless he meant something to me and unless he has some qualities i like and appreciate. i vowed never to kiss anyone i would later regret kissing. and amazingly, i was able to keep this personal promise.
to top it all off, i just had one of the most amazing kisses in my life this week. it was splendid. it was on a perfect night where there were stars blazing in the sky and the moon was quite full. it felt a bit cold but i felt warm when he put his arms around me and stared into my eyes. the silence was quite deafening but i didnt mind. the silence became comfortable and as he inched his lips closer to mine, the look in his eyes was priceless. i smiled and the kiss happened. many years from now, i know i would remember this kiss like it just happened yesterday.
now, i hope i would get plenty of kisses where this amazing kiss came from.=)
who is this guy? whoever guesses right wins a free dinner with me! post your guesses in my comments link.=)
eye candy
all glammed up. this is a pic of me and one of my closest batchmates, caroline in front of the elan photo studio, prince david condo in katipunan. i posted this here because it is apparent that she is one of the most frequent visitors of my blog. i love it every time she and i meet and she tells me how hilarious she finds my entries. hahaha.=)
hey batch, i miss you already. hehehe. thanks for saying he and i look good together. it made me like him more. mwah! =)
over cards
i was reluctant to go with someone to his friends' tambayan this afternoon since im really not feeling that well. all i wanted to do that moment is to go home and sleep till dinner time. but a little voice at the back of my head told me to go, to take the risk of avoiding slumber and being with some people i barely know. i felt apprehensive since i am a bit sensitive when i become out of place in a certain circumstance. but still, i decided to go with him. what the heck, the little voice told me to shrug my doubts off and go with him. and i did.=)
he ended up playing cards with his friends while i sat beside him and became a mere spectator of the countless games. ironically, i wasnt bored. except for one awkward moment, i had fun, nonetheless. i guess his company made everything relaxed and made me feel that even if i dont know the people in that table that well, its alright. he's there and talking to him is enough. little by little, i am getting to be more comfortable around this person. spending time with him just comes naturally and i see myself appreciating every touch and every glance.
normally, doing nothing would bore me to death. but i stayed. its truly a plus that this happened. and he turned out to be lucky for the night, he won and got the biggest share of the money. after the games, we ate dinner with the money he won. this made me laugh since i felt i had nothing to do with him winning while he kept on insisting that we won the money together. well, honestly, i didnt even lift a finger as he played. but i felt i won something different during those games. i realized i am now comfortable with him. over cards, over something i would probably eventually get sick of after 30 minutes and over something i would never trade sleep with, i had fun. truthfully.
this must mean something. what? well, i dont know, for now. but maybe its because of him.=)
this has got to be my mushiest post ever. hey, you who calls me anne, touches my hand and who wakes me up for class, this is all your fault. hehehe.=) dont worry, i dont blame you in a bad way.
player
im chatting with a friend on YM right now and he asked me if im a player. i arched my eyebrows and bit my lip. this question has a very simple answer. i am not a player. some people may hear me talking about guys i like or guys i hang out with but believe me, i dont play. i tell guys straightforward what i think about us or what i think about him. if i like the guy, i show him that i like him. if i dont, i dont pretend that i like him just to increase the number of entries in my phonebook. i tell it as it is. in short, i dont play with the feelings of the guys i go out with. i am honest, straightforward and i can even be brutally frank at times.
it is not true that i am a cold-hearted player who crushes the hearts of the guys who happen to like her. on the contrary, i am easy to please and i appreciate the things guys do for me. i feel giddy whenever someone goes out of their way to make me feel special and to listen to the silly things that i have to say. let me just say that i hate playing. even if i am guilty of being succumbed to it every now and then, i admit that i dont like it. yes, its fun but the consequences are quite painful. if a girl plays, her reputation suffers and sometimes, her self-esteem is left shattered.
im more of the type who likes to sit down and get to know the person. if there is chemistry and there are sparks between the two of us, there is no reason for me to be all fuddy-duddy and deny him my company, my time and attention and my passion. i am a very touchy person so when i like someone, i let him feel it. and when he's touchy towards me, i welcome the affection not because i am a crazed pervert but because i like being held and i like the feeling of skin against skin. i am a girl who loves to hug people and appreciates the importance of touch between two persons who are slowly beginning to feel the need for the company of the other. despite my so-called boycraziness, i am really a hopeless romantic who wants to lie down, hold hands with someone and savor the silence that comes with being comfortable with each other that you wont need to talk. moments like those are definitely priceless in my book.
again, i stress, i am not a player. honestly.
hey, alvin. yes, we're there already. hahaha. i know you're reading this. see, i have a very lengthy explanation on why i am not a player. i mean every word in this entry. beat that. it looks like you're losing all our bets. mwah! see you tomorrow.=)
yummy
i ate at a korean restaurant today with my batchmate michelle and my thesis partner, emman. yep, he's the one. the one i am willing to spend hours and hours of time with while producing a communication thesis. sigh. i am so excited. we are finally graduating students. i am tingling with anticipation to get that thesis started!
anyway, the name of the restaurant was mashiita, which means yummy in Korean. this made me smile. i have been hearing different versions of the word lately. first was manyaman which is in Kapampangan. a batchmate told me someone told her that. i practically laughed my lungs out when she told me what it meant. well, it figures. some people describe other people through this adjective. and though sometimes it is a bit crude and obviously, a sensual adjective, i wouldnt mind if someone called me manyaman. hahaha.
next, a friend told me that she was called masarap by someone. again, i doubled over with laughter. again, the reason she was called that is because she is very pretty. at such, the guy is again referring to her as a sexual object. though this sucks for feminism and asserting women's rights not to be verbally assaulted, my friend finds it flattering. and though i cringe over the fact that the word is used in a sexual notion, i felt happy for my friend because it looked like she was indeed pleased over the "praise."
well, as iv said, i wouldnt mind if i was called manyaman, masarap or mashiita. i would just smile and shrug it off. but if i didnt like the guy who said it or the way he said it, i would blast his brains to kingdom come. hahaha. after all, it's every girl's right to be called manyaman, masarap or mashiita by a guy she likes, the way she wants it to be said. i know this adjective is offending to some but for me, it's all in the delivery and the reason why the guy said it. if its to make her laugh, feel gorgeous and secure that she is all he has the hots for, then by all means, drop the word! but if it is intended to be lewd and disrespectful, kill the guy! =)
on the other hand, maybe the reason why i dont find this so offending is because my friends and i also describe guys as yummy. now we dont mean that this in a sensual manner, but the word perfectly describes a hot guy. hahaha. and besides, if guys call us girls the mentioned adjectives, there is no reason for us not to call them as such. ever heard of the statement, we are all equals?
yes, we are. and at such, i will call every hot guy i see yummy and nobody can stop me. except of course, when im completely delirious, drunk or loopy and then calling some not-so-hot guy that! my friends, you have my permission, stop me! please.
new leaf
while eating bulgogi in this small korean restaurant in the shopping center with emman and michelle, i came across this brilliant thought. i should turn over a new leaf. i should start writing about other stuff, rather than things that i do everyday. besides, my stalkers are increasing. they now know where i sleep, where i eat and where i hang out, even who i hang out with and even who im crushing on. creepy! well, i wouldnt stop talking about these stuff entirely. every once in a while, i would gab about these personal things, but only if im in the mood. hehehe. starting today, i would write about my memories, my thoughts and the things that really matter to me. no more bouts of being superficial! hahaha.=)
still giggling
someone has been making me smile a lot lately. =) i just checked my planner and almost all of the dates have lots of smiley faces in them, indicating that i was happy during those times. hehehe. i cant help but giggle and bite my lip over the way things are turning out. hehehe. i just hope no one would burst my happy bubble. please, please, keep me happy.=) im not ready to say goodbye to this giddy feeling yet. so far, its been amazing. i cant complain at all. i am truly getting the hang of this. i dont want to go into the details. the only thing i can say right now is that i am truly, madly, deeply crushing in on someone.=) and nope, i wont name him here. i have had enough of my blabbing and then finding out that people i dont know have the inside info on me. hehehe.=)
hmm..what have i been doing lately? i know you guys are interested. i havent posted for like two days? hahaha.=) well, here's a quick rundown.=)
THURSDAY (June 30) I went to Xaymaca with my batchmate Renee. we hung out for a bit then decided to move someplace else because it was getting a bit boring even if SessionRoad was performing. we agreed to go back though. we wanted to go to some place in Katipunan, hoping that some of our friends/sisters were there. we then decided to go to Shade. amazingly, my friend joe was there together with some of her friends. heaven and mikko were there too. we drank with them, even if we were already a bit drunk by the time we got there. hehehe. i distinctly remember being a bit loopy. hahaha. =) anyway, we went home around 230am but stayed on the phone with babe. hehehe. awww..he's a bit mad at me. sheesh.
FRIDAY (July 1) I went to the FOPC Concert with Emman and his high school friends. we even saw some of our blockmates there. hehe. the concert was great even though i was sweating inside the hot bahay ng alumni! some freshie guys, especially this guy in pink who's really cute, kept on staring at me. sheesh. im not in the mood to corrupt freshies. hahaha.=) anyway, maybe when im ready to feel like cameron or demi. the bands were great especially my boyfriend champ's band, hale. hahaha. he is so dreamy.=) i liked giniling festival's performance, not just because theyre from UP but they really rocked even if they only performed two songs. rockstars. hehehe. i cant help but catch the last song syndrome. siling giniling! siling giniling! im singing this with a high-pitched voice. haha. i liked 6cyclemind, sessionroad and parokya ni edgar too. i left the concert during MYMP's performance and met up with a friend. hahaha. wink wink. enough information again!
SATURDAY (July 2) I had an early thesis proposal class which ended at 10am. i went home immediately, ate lunch and slept for the entire day. i was so drained last night. hahaha. why? confidential. after dinner, i thought i was going to sleep again. but...again, i didnt go to sleep. i just had this deep conversation with a friend into the night. i didnt know it was that tiring to talk! hahaha.
anyway, im still giggling at this time of the night. i must be going crazy. then again, maybe i am already crazy. things in my life are definitely getting better this time. i can so feel it. =) not because of the boys, but because of the things that i am learning. see, im maturing? ehehe.=)
on being sensitive
i just got off the phone from a special person in my life. up to now, i still dont get it why we cant be together during a time when he said he loves me and i apparently loved him too. it's been like almost a year when we had that dilemma and even if i am happy with the way things are in my life right now and i am happy with the way things worked out for him, i still dont get it. i have no bitter feelings about what happened because the times that i spent with him, despite the complications, were downright amazing. amazing to the extent that even if we weren't officially together, many years from now, i will consider him as a boyfriend from the past. =) awww..i am getting all emotional here.
anyway, he called out of the blue, just when i was about to do some geek work. thanks for giving me an excuse to put off what i have been dreading to do for the past few days. hehe. we talked for like an hour and it seemed like nothing has changed. we still do get along. =) thats what made him even more amazing. i told him that i always saw him as someone sensitive, not in a bad way, but in a good way. he always wanted to know what i felt and what i thought. result? he knows a lot about me and i was very open with him about the things in my life. though we werent in a relationship, we had an understanding. heck, there was even a time that he would get jealous of the people i date and he would call me his girl. i recall those moments with fondness and smile. though i did get hurt with some of the complications that brought us apart and gave us reason to stop talking and stop seeing each other, this guy is really special.
yes, he is sensitive but that didnt stop me from falling for him. instead, it made me more attached and more attracted to him. he understands what i was going through and there was always honesty between us. i did some things that hurt him and because of this, i was the insensitive one. but, remember that the moment you told me to stop fooling around, i stopped? you are more important to me than those guys. hehehe.=)
talking to him again made me realize how important sensitivity was and how nice it is to have someone in your life who is sensitive every once in a while. he made me realize that sensitivity is not always a bad thing. its a bit endearing actually, to have someone be affected so much by what you think, say and do. it makes me feel important that he sometimes have his bouts of sensitivity caused by me. hehe. anyway, we are ok now. no need to dwell on the painful intricacies of the past.=)
i remember that we used to call each other babe. hahaha. i didnt know how that happened but i remember it was because of a joke over the phone.=) anyway, let me call you babe here. hey babe. cheer up. everything is going to be ok. trust me. i know this is just easy to say but i believe in it. eventually, you'll look back at all these and laugh. i hope to see you around, babe. and dont worry, im not mad at you at all. mwah.=) and by the way, did i tell you on the phone that i missed you? hehehe. never mind.=) i hope you decide to go to the you-know-what. maybe you'll see me there.=)
