finally, lovestruck.: December 2005

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

huh? but, i'm prissy!

Your Reputation Is: Wild Girl

You love to give people something (and someone) to gossip about
As far as you're concerned, all gossip is good gossip

What's Your Reputation?

huwat?!

You are a Rocker Girl!

If you don't have musical talent, you've got a talent for picking out great CD's.
Music rules your life - and you've got the best MP3 collection of anyone you know.
Many guys find you intimidating, but a select few think you're the catch of a lifetime.
Start hanging out in more used record stores, and you'll find love with a fellow rocker!

What Kind of Girl Are You?

ooh-la-la!

Men See You As Desirable

Men often find you immediately attractive and sensual
You're honesty is refreshingly beautiful ... it draws guys in
You are also able to be open with your feelings with no emotional baggage
Packing light means you enjoy new relationships easily

How Do Men See You?

tired and senseless

after a supposedly long post, my computer restarted. and because of that, i got the inkling that fate must be telling me that it is probably better if i keep my thoughts to myself. im going to share some basic info though, just to make sense out of my internet time.

im in tuguegarao right now. yep, the bora trip was cancelled. its ok, i get to do some school work here and i am getting RICHER every second, with occasional gifts of cash from my mom, my lola and my numerous relatives. weee!

im seeing my high school bestfriends almost everyday who shock me with stories of who ended up with who! hahaha. up to now, theyre still asking me about my high school boyfriend. hmmm..

i miss HIM so much it hurts like hell. nope, not the high school boyfriend. someone else.

im tired. exhausted of executing big gestures to make up for what ive done almost a year ago. i am on the verge of giving up.

my bestfriend, caroline, told me to be consistent. yes, heney (honey), i will be, promise.

i am liking this coolness personified guy. i am digging his fit-for-a-queen treatment of me. hehehe. i am officially a prissy princess with him. ieth told me he's major cool. hehehe. he is interesting and fascinating.

i miss my grepafriends. also my xvv friends. =(

i am hungry and sleepy. i might as well end this senseless post with a greeting and a wish.

Happy Holidays, everyone!

blah. i am wishing that my next year would be a bigger blast than this one. thanks to everyone who made my year fabulous!

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

if only

watching the movie, "if only," made me cry buckets with caroline and made me decide to do something i was too lazy and too terrified to do. jennifer love's character was portrayed as someone who loved more in a relationship and was willing to give more even if it was apparent that she was being taken for granted by her boyfriend. her line which striked me the most was, "i dont want to be a very high second priority!" it turned out that her boyfriend loved her so much but it was too late that he realized it. he was holding his guard on too much and too long.

can i just say, i feel so much like her now. the only difference is that i dont know if he even sees me as a second priority.

but then again, i feel that its all my fault. if only i knew how to wait.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

lovesick

i am so in love. certainly no doubt about it.

sigh.

'di na ko choosy. sana siya rin.

Friday, December 16, 2005

like the mardi gras

it was my birthday yesterday and it was fun, definitely one of my happiest birthdays. i started celebrating last monday and every night was wilder than the one previous to it! sort of like the mardi gras. hahaha. =) my birthday week was a blast.

there were a lot of BIG gestures and i appreciated all of them. most importantly, the people who really matter to me and to my world gave BIGGER gestures. ahahay. =) i feel so blessed.

to add more icing to the already rich cake, im going to bora early next week to spend my christmas break. weee! ill be there up to the end of the year. yey. mardi gras part two? maybe.

uhuh. but without my personal, colorful characters. despite the promise of fun amidst the sun, sand and seawater, i know ill be missing them. no need to worry though, because unlike some people, i know how to come back to the people that count.

bora, here i come! =p

Thursday, December 01, 2005

miss priss

prim and proper. for some weird reason, i look really prissy in this photo. hahaha. =) but no, im not prissy! me being prissy is definitely a far out possibility. right, batch (caroline)? =p

this is so true!

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.

You give completely and unconditionally in relationships.

You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.

You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.

You are fickle and tend to fall out of love easily. You bounce from romance to romance.

How Are You In Love?

bye, brennie?

people always leave.

one of my ex-boyfriends, brennie, left for singapore to work for a year last wednesday. this got me into thinking. i havent seen brennie for the longest time though we have managed to talk on the phone and exchange text messages. he was the one who comforted me the very last time i cried over a heartache and he was the one who talked some sense into my impulsive mind. this was last june and i will be eternally grateful to him for being the shoulder to cry on i desperately needed one cold night.

since he lives only a block away from me, he can go to my house whenever i need his help on something academic or just simply to talk about the things that are bothering me. during kenji's wake, he even accompanied me to claret and held me like a limp, rag doll as i cried over the loss of a friend and the tragedy of the accident. back to the times when we were still together, he would go to my house after school every single day with a caramel frappucino and some chocolate chip cookies and we would take the time to talk over what happened to us during the time that we were apart. he was and always will be my mr.dependable. even if we werent together anymore, he was still on my beck and call.

brennie was my first boyfriend, first heartache and my first kiss. we were together exactly three separate times in my lifetime. somehow, even though we always break up, we unwittingly find ourselves thrust back into each other's arms. fate had its magical way of bringing the two of us together that i almost believed for a time that we were destined to be together. strong words, i know, but i soon realized that it just wasnt meant to be. we were too alike. we wanted the same things and we enjoyed the same activities. there wasnt room for both of us to grow because we were way too compatible. he knew me so well that i became predictable to him. i knew him so well too that he became boring. to add to these problems, he started to want to control me. well, nobody can control me. i do as i please. and because of these, we always parted ways.

amazingly, despite the pain i have caused him for being my usual hard-headed and stubborn self, we became very close friends. having known each other since the sixth grade, we were very close and our families even moved in the same social circles. everyone was expecting us to end up together in the future but we always smile, look at each other with a knowing smirk and reply, "friends na lang talaga kami. mas ok kaming ganito eh."

when i learned from him that he will be leaving, i felt weird. i didnt know if i will be happy for him or not. part of me wanted to hug him and congratulate him for finally getting a job that he wanted. brennie is a big perfectionist. and amazingly, he always gets what he wants. more proof is that he got a high-paying job when he just finished college last march.

i am proud of him and his achievements and i have always suported him in everything that he pursued. i remember that i even went to his quiz shows in UST and screamed myself hoarse after cheering for him every time he gets a correct answer. yup, he is a brainiac like me and even beats me at scrabble and chess occasionally. we were a nerdy, not to mention a geeky, couple and we were proud of that.

last month, he planned to take me to tagaytay after my birthday as a present. but since he is now in singapore, we cant take that trip anymore. this depressed me a bit, knowing one of the people that i sincerely love will not be with me on my birthday and on this holiday season. but i comforted myself with the fact that he will only be away for a year. he will be back on my next birthday and i look forward to that.

i am not saying goodbye to him. brennie will always be a part of me, no matter what. i love him, not anymore in a romantic way, but the way a sister would love a brother. with the convenience of the internet, i know we would still be having those incredible talks and lengthy, descriptive letters that only we would take the time to read. besides, a year goes by very rapidly. next thing i know, he would be texting me and saying he's back.

to give some more information about him, here is his profile in his college's literary folio where he was the editor.

Bernard, Berns, Bren or Berny (tambak na ang notary public ng affidavit of change of nicknames niya) is a true-blue overachiever-Pautakan Team member, JCBA external coordinator, and debater, what more can you ask? Not satisfied till he has achieved perfection in everything he does, he is often misunderstood. Yet beneath his domineering exterior, lies a caring soul-especially for his Arcie.

sigh. cool huh? brennie was definitely the guy i compared all the other guys i meet to. maybe its because of this that i became TOO choosy later on. anyway, we were good together. i look forward to seeing him be successful because after all, i know he deserves every achievement he reaps.

but why does he have to leave the country when its so near my birthday? hmph. it looks like people are leaving while im the one staying behind. yes, people always leave.

however, the ones that really matter come back.

well, i am crossing my fingers that those who really matter to me do.

finally, lovestruck.