my childhood crush
these are some pictures of my childhood crush. oh my god, he is still SO cute. i had this serendipitous moment a while ago when i saw his picture on the friends' list of one of my friends in friendster. sigh. i am feeling giddy all over and seeing these photos sends chills up my spine. i am still definitely crushing on him. hehehe.
i saw him last christmas but being the somewhat prissy girl that i am, i didn't have the guts to talk to him during the family gathering. we were both there because i am related to him by affinity. he is the nephew of my uncle's wife. hehehe. so close but yet so far. =p
ahahay. he is SOOOOOOOOOO cute! i likey.
psst..maya, don't you think he's the guy i told you looked familiar to me last time we were at starbucks? hehehe.=) crushie!
thesis schmesis
for the past few weeks, i have been in thesis mode. interviewing journalist-bloggers, transcribing tapes, visiting their blogs and downing various coffee concoctions to keep myself awake.
result? i have gained weight which is the opposite of what i was expecting to happen. thesis work should make me LOSE weight! then, heaven told me that starbucks coffee can make you gain weight. leche. why didn't anyone tell me this sooner?
anyhoo, i believe emman and i are doing good. best thesis award, here we come! hahaha. =) hmm..i miss emman, even though we were together last friday. i love this guy to smithereens! it's good that we're having a thesis sleepover this wednesday. hahaha.=) yihee.
i love my thesis. i love my thesis. i love my thesis. i love my thesis. i love my thesis. i love my thesis. i love my thesis. i love my thesis. i love my thesis. i love my thesis. i love my thesis.
i love my thesis so much i turned down a date with deej last friday night just to transcribe interview tapes! nerd! =p it's a good thing he understands my nerdiness and offers to accompany me in starbucks often instead. ahahay. =)
beauty and the geek
there will be a new show on ETC entitled "beauty and the geek," starting feb. 1. im BURSTING with the concept of this show. let me just say that i can so totally relate. hahaha.
this is the reality show that i'm meant to be in, believe me. i find geeks hot. i'm looking forward to its very first episode. hehe. =p
major, major crushie
i am dating someone right now and he is so HOT! hahaha. =) i am giddy like a high school girl with a major, major crushie. though caroline insists that it is more than just a crush, i am stressing that it really is just a crush. a MASSIVE crush though. hehehe.
he's technically my ex but we were only a couple for exactly two days. now we're back to dating and having extremely meaningful, intelligent conversations. ahahay. i am bursting with happiness and caroline keeps on saying that all i ever talk about is him. =) well, i can't help it, he's practically a demigod. my dream guy even. i think i am falling in love again! hahaha.
and guess what? he's 30. hahaha. he's nine years my senior but i don't feel the age difference at all. we're on the same wavelength and we're so compatible. we can talk, talk and talk for hours but we never run out of things to say. finally, a MATURE guy who understands my complications and accepts my rather, wild side. hahaha.
he sings and he acts. he dances himself silly in front of me sometimes though. he has the hottest body that i have ever seen but he still goes to the gym almost twice a day and jogs around UP almost everyday. he treats me like a princess and takes good care of me. sigh. i must have done something good to be this lucky. i thank my lucky stars!
who is this hotness personified guy? hmm..i'll just give you guys some clues. he's an actor and he was in abs-cbn's buttercup, marina and kampanerang kuba. he's also releasing his solo album this march. there. i bet the kapamilyas out there can easily guess who this guy is. hehehe. happy guessing! =)
nobody can burst my happy bubble this time. not even my mom who also has a MASSIVE crush on him. hahaha. sorry, mom, it's me he likes! you get to see him around a lot naman eh. i've even introduced you to him! yihee. hehe. =p
i eye.
eye candy. hahaha. =p
guilty pleasure
again, it happened. what i have been avoiding and resisting for the past few weeks happened again and i was too weak, powerless and too human to do nothing but succumb to this pleasure. however, my good friend deejay said, "what won't harm you won't kill you."
succumbing to this pleasure feels natural and though this may again be inconsistent of me, i happen to like it. damn the consequences and damn all the things that people might say. though i know it's pathetic of me to again be caught in this whirl of passion and complications, i enjoy every second of it.
but this time, it's different. i have nothing to analyze or be sentimental about. he said so himself. if having this pleasure means i have to be shallow and superficial, and sometimes, emotionless, then so be it. for the time being, i will be guilty, milking this superficiality for all its worth. then, when i realize that there's no more juice to squeeze out of this lemon, i'll start drinking milk, or rather skim milk from starbucks. how grepa. or have water instead like him. hahaha.
however, basing on my track record, i am again not so sure about this decision. i may change my mind soon or be stubborn and go on with it as long as i can.
typical of me. ahahay. =p
my comment on a comment
I am talking about your friend's masig guy, I dunno if you're aware that there are 3 people involve in this plot. Your friend, my friend and the masig guy. dearie, he's just using both of them. I'll say no more, again, not my story to tell.
having removed my comments' link, it infuriates me that someone is commenting about me on my bestfriend caroline's blog. if it is not his/her story to tell at all, then why is he/she commenting in the first place? why does he/she freakin' care about it?
let me comment on the above-mentioned comment.
1. i DON'T have a masig guy. i am single and free, not exclusively dating and seeing anyone. but i am perfectly happy with SOMEONE right now and that someone is not from masig. i am close to a lot of masig guys though.
2. i don't care if there is a certain masig guy i'm identified with and that i'm labeled as belonging to a certain plot. i am not involved in any melodramatic plot with this guy and whoever he is seeing. he can sleep around, for all i care. he and i are so over the moment i played in front of his very face.
3. this masig guy is using me? i don't want to sound bitter but it was i, in actuality, who used him. or maybe, we used each other. either way, i regret nothing about it. what. a. loser. treating me like one out of two girls when in reality, he's just ONE out of MANY guys.
4. i actually feel sorry for this particular masig guy. what i did last week was unforgivable, which was flirting with a person extremely close to him that could possibly disillusion him on his number one priority in life.
5. however, i think it serves him right. IF what this person is saying is factual.
whew. now, that's my comment on that comment. it feels great to know that what i have decided to do several weeks ago is the RIGHT decision.
over and over again
i regret nothing.
coffee
"Wake up and smell the coffee. Walang martir na hindi nagpapamartir. And, really, if you choose to harbor intense feelings toward someone who doesn’t care about you, it’s your choice to be helpless and to ultimately be a pathetic person, period."
i read this from a friend's blog on her entry about unrequited love. though i may be biased, i so totally agree with her now.
don't worry, honey, i can smell the coffee now. hahaha! =p
love and vanilla
my friend, ieth, told me sometime last year that some men associate LOVE with the scent of vanilla. well, i trust ieth because she said she read it somewhere reliable. anyway, i trust her so much that i bought vanilla-scented perfume last weekend and i have been wearing it ever since. amazingly, it works. how?
well, one of the hottest guys i know and my ultimate crush told me i smell really good last friday night and.....the rest im keeping to myself! hehehe. =p
im keeping my lips sealed. let me just say that passions ignited even before saturday night.
rock god
i just love guys who can play the guitar and sing.ahahay. yael yuzon is a rock god. again, im in love. watching him last night at the romeo and juliet after-concert was pure ECSTASY.
yael is HOT, HOT, HOT!
i love yael. i love yael. i love yael. i love yael. i love yael. i love yael. i love yael. i love yael. i love yael. i love yael. i love yael. i love yael. i love yael. i love yael. i love yael. i love yael. i love yael.
sigh. i almost cried when he sang, "let me know if im doing this right, let me know if my grip's too tight, let me know if i can stay all of my life.."
yael, you are doing it right, your grip's not too tight and you can stay all of your life..with ME!
i love yael. passions did ignite last night. and it's all because of him. =)
to be drunk
if i may love, let me love sober and not drunk with mere lies, hopeless expectations and fantasies.
whatever i did, which only my closest friends know, was drastic. but i dont want to be drunk anymore.
i wont deny it, but i wont confirm it either. it's my way of sobering up.
post-heartache grepa
i spent the whole day with my thesis partner, emman and my bestfriend, caroline. we grepalifed here at home, ordered some pizzas and pigged out on carbonara. hahaha.=p this helped me take my mind off my recent heartache. ahahay. here are the photos to show how grepa we were! =)
pizza, pizza, pizza! yum. devoured by three grepas.
i havent taken a bath yet! how grepa.
watching a showbiz talk show. how grepa can we get?! hahaha.=p
bizarre love letter
to my bizarre love,
i remember the first time i met you and i look back at that moment with a genuine smile. everything was so simple and innocent then and every date i had you made me giddy all over and had me looking forward to the next. i felt the connection and you made me feel ready to settle down again. unconsciously, i fell in love with the person that you were then. you charmed me off my feet and i was blushing uncontrollably everytime you say something sweet or you perform an endearing gesture. up to now, those feelings are rekindled everytime i get a glimpse of your past self. i have cried plenty of times why you have suddenly changed.
yes, i do love you. but now, loving you hurts me and even endangers my relationships with other people. my friends hate me for allowing you to take me for granted and for treating me like someone who doesnt even matter to you. you told me i am your second priority, second to a group of people i know are important to you. but thinking that and saying that isnt enough. i dont see it and i dont feel it. i crave for your attention to the point that i find myself pathetic which leads me to the realization that you dont notice and mind me at all. and that hurts. even if i dont usually tell you or show you, you have hurt me more than i think i have hurt you. i feel that i have finally paid the price for the wrong things i have done to you in the past. those actions were not deliberate while now, i see you deliberately hurting me. i see you acting out of spite.
i tried to understand what you are going through. you told me youre not ready for a commitment right now and that you would just mess up everything. you told me i complicated things and you preferred how we were before. but these doesnt explain or make up for the things that you do that hurt me. it doesnt hurt for you to consider my feelings every once in a while and assure me that someday, you will be ready to be the person that you were the day we first met. i just needed that assurance and the constant reminder that i am special to you and not just a girl you go home with after a night out.
but my tolerance has reached its limit. you even had the nerve to tell me i cheated on you constantly. for the whole time we were together, i didnt cheat. i was expecting you to notice that but you didnt. you have made up your mind that i will never be faithful. and for that, i despise you. you take me for granted at all times. your attempts at being somewhat territorial were even feeble. you hurt me pretty badly. you said you cant trust me. well now, i find it hard to trust you.
you told me the other night you wanted to talk. talk about what? i am tired. exhausted of you insisting that what we have cant work. or do you want me to take back what i said? would you tell me you dont want to lose me? would you ask me to understand you more? would you tell me that you'd try to change?
we didnt get the chance to really talk since we just bickered and argued. so, now, i dont know what you wanted to talk to me about. but i am already more exhausted than ever. i feel bad and i pity myself for hoping, secretly wishing that you can love me and accept me and my complications. you have disappointed me for the very last time.
i love you. but maybe, this love isnt enough for me to further allow you to treat me this way. you told me you are not in a hurry and if we're really meant for each other, we'll be together in the future. this thought gave me momentary hope. but now, the future of us looks pretty bleak.
i am not concluding this letter nor am i saying what i want to do or happen tomorrow. i dont want to eat my words again and lose my consistency. i dont want to contradict myself anymore. at least now, i have told you everything i feel.
i can breathe freely now, knowing that you will get to read this and i hope, you will understand why i feel some angst towards you. but i regret nothing. and i dont resent you at all. i hope you'll be happy with the decisions that you will make. and i hope i can move on from this depressing episode. good luck with everything.
i am now as steady as i can be and i will not allow you to make a fool out of me anymore. i really did love you, you know. but you may just have pushed me too far off this time and i dont have the strength nor the resolve to go back. i love you but i love myself more.
silly smile
on a lighter note, i have this silly smile plastered on my face permanently for the past few weeks. someone is solely responsible. i wonder how this giddyness will turn out in the end. hmmm...it's hard to be choosy when it comes to this person.
shit. maybe my bestfriend's forecast for this year may turn out to be right. im crossing my fingers that i will not be scared to death though. after all, i'm almost a commitmentphobe. teehee. =)
i'm returning to my old, cheesy self again. freaky. but nice.
answers
i got the answers i needed.i finally kicked the bucket of this bizarre deal and promised myself never to get caught in the whirl of stupidity ever again.
the plot definitely thickened and it's fortunate that the twist gave me the awakening i so badly needed.
let me just say, i was the one who tore the "contract" into a gazillion pieces.
it was definitely a battlefield. and i was at the victorious end. the chapter has finally closed.
he said
it was definitely an obscure night. i wasnt expecting him to be there, let alone with him knowing that i was there practically every night. i made my new year's resolution with partly him in mind. what. a. jerk. he acted as if nothing has happened. and i hate him for that.
i said to myself that i will forget about him, finally. and since my new year's resolution is to be consistent, i will stand by my decision, at all costs. he hurts me too much by acting as if i dont matter at all. argh. no guy has ever done that to me before and it sucks. it seems as if i have had enough, after all. hmmm...
i heard him say that 2006 is the time to let go of 2005, the past and move on to the present. the stuff that happened to us were on the year 2005, which may probably mean that he has declared amnesia on all the things that happened, with me thinking that i was special to him. argh. argh. argh.
i dont get him at all. with his attempts to be somewhat territorial to me last night, i can see glimpses of his past self. there were even attempts of him reaching out to me. but i HAVE to be consistent.
sigh. like all new year's resolutions, this is going to be extremely DIFFICULT.
i am definitely not looking forward to fulfilling this resolution. but i HAVE to. don't i???
shit. i need some answers.
on the other hand, someone has fallen for me, confirmed last night as well. yes, joe, the plot definitely thickens.
can the beginning of this year be any weirder?
