day 2
so far, everything is going great. i am typing this entry at my new crib and it shocks me a bit how comfortable i am getting here. the time apart didn't stop us from being close and i like that very much. i told him i'll just blog and check my e-mail for a while so i left him in his room. he's watching white chicks on hbo, which is one of the most hilarious movies i've ever seen. the familiarity i'm feeling right now feels so right and the feeling makes me smile unconsciously. though this may seem a bit off, i am actually glad that he needs me right now. as of this moment, i am not in a hurry to go back home. though my time here and living in this new house is taking me away from the lifestyle i'm used to already, i find it ok. spending time with someone who values my presence and my attention is much, much better than hanging out with airheads who think they're god's gift to the world. i will not be surprised when i will wake up one day looking at him with a silly smile on my face.
again, i might have found my way home. circumstances led me here. and quoting my good friend, ieth, "everything happens for a reason."
i am not closing my doors to the possibilities. and to think, this is only day 2. i may never go home ever again.
babysitter
for the next few weeks, i will be an official BABYSITTER. one of my ex-boyfriends is suffering from depression over some family matters and as result, he has become catatonic. in his catatonic state, his family told me that it's my name he keeps on calling out for. because of this, i visited him in the hospital last monday and true enough, he only calmed down and became quite normal after seeing me at his bedside.
my mom is pretty close to him and upon the request of his family, i will be living at their house for the next few weeks. i was shocked at their decision and at the same time, still in disbelief. as i post this, i am waiting for the car they are sending for me and my things. i am moving to a new crib temporarily and i am a bit apprehensive.
it seems that i am the only person who can give him comfort at this difficult time in his life. yes, he is still my ex-boyfriend and we are not back together. but, since love transcends time and hurt, i love him, not anymore romantically but as someone who is a part of my life, then and now.
my mom told me to just keep him company. but this scares me for a bit. i might again be stuck in the vacuum of us together, everday together. the months of extreme attachment might find its way back. this has me dubious on my new living arrangements because i am not prepared for the second time to succumb to someone so domineering as him. i am anticipating that i will not be allowed to go out anymore at night nor go home late. yep, he is quite strict and wants my time and attention all to himself. plus, their house is quite far from UP.
but, as usual, i have no regrets accepting this responsibility. it is the least i could for him. i love him and i am willing to make the sacrifices needed to bring him back to his normal, cheery self. moreover, this will give me the time to focus on my thesis and the last remaining weeks of my college life. plus, it will also keep me grounded on being consistent with the things that i have promised myself. i am actually excited. as far as i can remember, we were bestfriends as well as a couple when we were together before.
i am now officially a BABYsitter. i have already drafted my resignation letter and i have plans of giving it to him the day he is up and well again. i will be counting the days.
my only fear is that i will realize one day that i have stopped counting the days. with him, getting attached is easy. now, here's someone i can never be nonchalant about.
my wedding song
on my wedding, i have already chosen a wedding song. i want it to be accompanied by a violin and sung by a guy who really sings well, like phil collins. hehe. my wedding song is, "a groovy kind of love." sigh. hearing this song gives me shivers all over. though my friends find this hilarious every time i tell them that this is going to be my wedding song, i am sticking to it. =) here are the lyrics:
When I’m feeling blue, all I have to do
Is take a look at you, then I’m not so blue
When you’re close to me, I can feel your heart beat
I can hear you breathing near my ear
Wouldn’t you agree, baby you and me got a groovy kind of love
Anytime you want to you can turn me onto
Anything you want to, anytime at all
When I kiss your lips, ooh I start to shiver
Can’t control the quivering inside
Wouldn’t you agree, baby you and me got a groovy kind of love, oh
When I’m feeling blue, all I have to do
Is take a look at you, then I’m not so blue
When I’m in your arms, nothing seems to matter
My whole world could shatter, I don’t care
Wouldn’t you agree, baby you and me got a groovy kind of love
We got a groovy kind of love
We got a groovy kind of love, oh
We got a groovy kind of love
sigh. what's funny is that every time i hear this, a certain person comes into my mind. and i hate myself for this. no, no, no. hehehe. it certainly is groovy but what we have cannot be love, i think. anyhow, if you guys will ask me what his tune is (related to "what's your tune?" entry), i will definitely answer this song.
glam photo shoot
i am exhausted, from getting earlier than what i'm used to on saturdays, going to school, putting on makeup on a couple of people, styling my own hair and posing for almost three hours along EDSA. my organization, the up journalism club (jc represent!), will be celebrating its 51st anniversary from feb. 20-24 and the theme commemorates the 20th anniversary of EDSA 1. at such, our photo exhibit is a glammed up representation of the people power revolution. coolness.
i had so much fun! the whole experience was hilarious as we put makeup on each other's faces, fooled around the camera and even pigged out at jollibee after. i was also able to spend time with my boyfriends, gelo and charles. i love these guys to smithereens! =) though gelo sometimes irks me with jokes regarding my weight and charles irritating me with sarcastic remarks. hehe. cute. i also realized i miss my orgmates and that i should really spend more time with them even if it's only in the tambayan where we talk about stuff only journ majors could relate to and understand. ahahay.
the whole photo shoot was quite rewarding as i saw the photos taken. our resident stylist, dano and of course, our photographer and consultant, paul definitely did a good job. cheers to both of them!
having a photo shoot along EDSA was quite funny though as onlookers gathered and stared at us as if we were celebrities. hahaha.=) seeing our heavy makeup sure gave them something to talk about among themselves as they were pointing at us and whispering to each other. even those inside cars and buses kept on turning their heads towards the people power monument. hehe.
anyway, here are some photos i nicked from paul a while ago. enjoy! sorry i'm too lazy to put some captions. i'll just describe them here. 1. cozying it up with charles along edsa. 2. with pat, on one of our main photos. i am holding a BIBLE. gelo said he thought he'd never see that happen. the bible is his, by the way. 3. threesome. enough said. charles looks so sensual! hahaha. 4. attitude. this looks like a jeans print ad. hehe.=p
obsession
tjbl.i am obsessed.nooooooo!thesis. thesis. thesis.can't. divert. my. attention.tjbl. tjbl. tjbl.whew.giddy, giddy.unchoosy at this very moment.
what's your tune?
by far my favorite pick-up line and the most effective of them all, "what's your tune?" has been immortalized in my group of friends. i find it funny whenever one of them drops this line or whenever i use it on them and they are clueless on what to reply. inspired by chilling and soundtripping in the tambayan with my boyfriends, gelo and charles, yes, BOYFRIENDS, i am going to enumerate the tunes that i associate with my friends and some people in my life. these tunes distinctly remind me of them. here they are:
shine, jesus, shine: MY MOM, who has hundreds of christian song cds
till my heartache ends: CAROLINE (i think your heartache's ending)
crazy for you, spongecola version: GELO, who told me it's actually a song about sex
drop it like it's hot: PAT, who belongs to a hip-hop factory
screaming infidelities: GREPS, who muffled the screaming
this love by maroon5: BAP-BAP, who adores hot guys
ever after by bonnie bailey: ATE RONA of MEATSHOP, hahaha!
my humps: ANNA. self-explanatory.
pinoy ako by orange and lemons: IETH during thesis mode
ocean deep: HEAVEN. duh. all aloooone in my rooooom!
stir it up: DEWI (rarr!)
crazy by britney spears: PUNY (you know who this is, heney caroline!)
jammin' by bob marley: CHARLES and his reggae dancing
don't give up on us, baby and bye, bye, bye: LUCKY
diary by alicia keys: SIDE SWEPT BANGS BOY (teehee!)
crazy in love by beyonce knowles: MARVIE and CAMILLE
moonriver: MARK
tell me where it hurts: BREN
two trick pony by sandwich: SIDE SWEPT BANGS BOY again!
cool by gwen stefani: GREPS
elesi by rivermaya: ALVIN
how can i fall: HEAVEN. hahaha! hmmm..prissy prince in pink!
your body is a wonderland and all john mayer songs: DEEJAY
maling akala by brownman revival: TJ, my crushie. ahahay.
she's so high: ERWILYN, my shamu, who's always on a high!
sa iyo by sarah geronimo: CY, who looks a lot like sarah
broken vow: ARLENE, my yaya, who cried during every episode of meteor garden
sige by 6cyclemind: TOMMY, who i love so much!
inuman na by parokya ni edgar: JEM, who i love so much too!
kuwarto by sugarfree: GREPS
wake me up when september ends: GREPS
underneath it all: RYAN AND EMMAN, my xaymaca buddies
closing time: MIKE
you give love a bad name: JEJE
the day you said goodnight: RENEE
come on over by christina aguilera: PAT
take a bow: CAROLINE
satellite by dave matthews band: ME
hmmm..that's all i could think of at this time. i'll add more soon.=)
nonchalant
as i've told caroline over and over again this afternoon, my favorite word has always been nonchalant. i like the way it rolls out of my tongue and i actually love the way it sounds. aside from these superficial reasons, i happen to like its meaning. being nonchalant sometimes truly beats being superhyped about anything. i often get stuck in issues and sometimes become the root of controversies but i have seen and experienced that during the times that i act all nonchalant about them, chances are i end up unscathed and rather safe. i end up untouched and very happy despite the issue's or controversy's dangerous and embarassing implications. i also end up successfully dodging the irritable consequences.
however, i don't think being nonchalant is a form of escapism. it is actually a method of defense and an affirmation of being true to reality. if something or someone doesn't affect me, why should i wallow in thinking about the person or it day in, day out? why should i react when i don't find the issue important? nothing petty is worth my grief. i have lived my life the way i want to and i am extremely happy. though it is quite selfish to not think of anyone and be seen as insensitive by some, honestly, i don't care. i don't give a damn. i am my own person and i shouldn't be controlled nor compelled by anyone to abide by a set of rules that aren't mine and that don't apply to my lifestyle.
i am quite proud to say that i have effectively become nonchalant to things that i shouldn't be even wasting my time and energy on. yes, i can apathetic. i can be careless. i can be mean. i can be spiteful. but at least, i don't pretend to care when i really don't and i don't act like i'm hurt or concerned when i'm really not. people who really don't matter in my life come and go and as obnoxious as i may appear to be, i have no plans of going after them nor asking them to come back. i don't let go too fast but i don't hold on too long either. once i say goodbye, that's it. emotions are too powerful to linger on to the extent that i cast them to the wind and bid these emotions goodbye and good luck. whatever tomorrow brings, i am ready. all i need right now is a clear psyche, that all the things and people that truly and ultimately matter to me are at my reach and by my side. other than these elements, i am nonchalant.
at this point in my life, i am so nonchalant it sometimes scares me. so much for my favorite word.
