officially beached 2
i'm back! hehehe. i just got home from puerto galera and emman's graduation party in rosario, batangas and i had sooooooooooo much fun. i had a major, major blast! hahaha. talk about enthusiastic. except for a series of unfortunate events, i conclude that we had fun on our galera escapade.
yes, we had some moments of bad fortune. let me enumerate.
1. our galera planner, ewa, didn't make it because of a job orientation for metrobank yesterday.
2. i almost didn't make it because of some things i have to take care of before i start working at the supreme court on tuesday.
3. camille just woke up and asked permission on thursday at 7:30 am, two and a half hours before we were suppose to leave for batangas.
4. francis told me he was going to arrive late.
5. camille arrived late.
6. our bus broke down on our way to batangas port.
7. our boat was late for an hour.
8. it was so damn hot.
9. we stained our sheets and pillowcases with henna.
10. we thought our keys got lost.
11. francis kinda disappeared last night.
12. ieth's phone got lost.
13. camille ran off to tamaraw island with a total stranger but came home after sunrise. hahaha!
14. my new phone's memory was messed up.
15. klara had a headache.
16. our bus going home to manila had a flat tire.
well, that was pretty much it. but, i'm sure i might have forgotten some events but all of us were thinking that we were all pretty unlucky during this trip. but, we had super fun, nonetheless. we were both grepa and shalei at the same time, eating at a grepa place and then eating shalei the next time. we had fruit shakes, shopped, sunbathed, camwhored at the beach and at our room, swam, people-watched, drank mindoro sling, etc. despite staying there for a relatively short period of time, 2 nights and 2 days, i felt that we did a lot. the best part was i felt closer to the people i was with during this trip especially klara. we even pigged out at emman's party during lunch today where i sang at the videoke and got asked to dance with some men who were drinking. nope, they weren't boying material, they can all pass for my father but i still danced with them, being the charming person that i am. hahaha!
the highlight of the trip though, for me, was the fact that i didn't do anything naughty for the entire time. francis even said that i'm changing my image. hahaha. yes, i sort of flirted with guys we were in the sand with because they were openly flirting with me and were desperately asking for my attention. but, let's face it, i can't help myself. and two of them were really hot, i was even crushing on both of them, mark and gabo. they even asked me to join them last night at some bar but i declined because 1. i wanted to spend time with my friends 2. i was too lazy to go boying. what's the point, right? and 3. i promised someone i'll be good. hahaha. =p so there, i was a good girl. see, i can be if i wanted to. hehehe.
now, enough of this. let me share some photos that i took during this trip.
swimwear by folded and hung, a graduation gift from my cousin, bappy.
tell me again why he picked me over her. hahaha! no contest in the swimsuit competition here! nya. =p
i can hear the ocean calling me.
puerto galera princess.
metalmouth hot chick at the beach.
galera bikini open with ieth, klara and camille. hotties!
a piece of heaven on earth. =p
emo during sunset.
quickie
i should be packing for my galera escapade with friends and blockmates but i'll squeeze in a quickie blog entry first about what's happening in my life and a couple of photos, of course. life has been almost perfect, except for some minor glitches, everything is A-ok!
i am bursting, with happiness and anticipation. graduation, shopping then galera. next week, work! things have been so hectic in my social life lately that i welcome work to take me off the social scene for a while. heney and i are also A-ok. that's hot. hahaha. =p
anyway, i'm blabbering now. let me just post some photos.
wow. how demure, arcie! hahaha. taken before college graduation.
family portrait. hahaha. =p look who's anorexic. mwah! hehehe!
random pic taken this afternoon at greenhills shopping center by my new phone. i'm ogling at some random guy. hahaha.
it's time
i was bloghopping last night and i stumbled upon the blog of one of my orgmates that i'm not that close to but we often engage in chit-chat whenever we see each other in the halls of our college or when we serendipitously become classmates. i enjoyed reading her blog and after a few entries, i easily found out that she now has a serious boyfriend. i giggle as i read her describing the two of them doing things together, going to places and sharing experiences. the guy seems to be the perfect boyfriend as he fetches her everyday from school, helps with her schoolwork and surprises her with little but really sweet gestures.
reading all these got me into reminiscing. my latest ex took me to places and we were together 24/7. we were practically joined at the hip and there wasn't an important event in my life that he wasn't there the whole time we were together. during that time, he was also the perfect boyfriend. he would go to almost 10 convenience stores just to buy me apple C2 when i was craving for it and take me to the beach just because i was throwing a tantrum. he would also surprise me by popping at my doorstep just because he misses me and we'd go out for a midnight snack. now, most of my favorite foods are influenced by him like zagu, mister kebab food, chocolate donuts, etc. i have no angst for him at all and i smile at the memories we have together.
my best friend constantly tells me, "batch, kailangan ko na ata ng ka-couple." ironically, having experienced the joys of being part of a couple, i don't share her sentiments with wanting to again be in one. maybe i'm too stubborn that i want to do things on my own for a while or i haven't met anyone i would want to be in a couple with or someone i would be willing to be committed to. i'm not really of the monogamous kind. i sometimes find it hard to be loyal to someone especially when i am not madly, head-over-heels in love with him. i like a lot of people and a guy has to give me enough reason to stick to him before i do. i am at the prime of my life and being too serious about someone occasionally stresses me out. i have too much to do and too many people to meet to settle down with someone i only have the hots for sometimes.
yes, i am selfish and mean. i tend to find a lot of faults in people and i overscrutinize guys. i get endeared to some of them and some i think i love but this type of endearment and this level of love were never enough to make me want to stop seeing other people. i'm too much of a free spirit that i find joy in having and making choices. i easily get bored with one person when he's not giving me the time and attention that i want. or maybe, my standards are too high that nobody seems to measure up. and sometimes, guys are scared and intimidated by my so-called player image. it's either they become overpossessive or they act all nonchalant about it even if they're actually not. both situations irk me and when i have had enough, i bail out of the situation unless someone stops me or begs for me to think things over and stay.
i have been single for almost a year now and it's been great. i am quite puzzled that even if i don't have a boyfriend, i didn't find myself missing out on things that people in couples do. this is because i date and see a lot of people, some i eventually get intimate with and some i hide from after realizing they're not really my type. tommy says i treat guys like clothes but i don't. i have the freedom of choice, haven't i? it's up to me to decide who i want to be with at the end of the day and for me, giving someone the boot because i don't like him that much is never wrong. leading him on is the wrong move, i think.
all these actions have made me lazy though. i have stopped making efforts to get to know people because i take everything for granted now. i go "boying" when i feel like it and when i don't, i stay home, stare at the ceiling, pig out, watch TV, blog and yak on the phone with caroline. but as caroline has reminded me, "boying" is an art and i shouldn't take it for granted. people are not commodities i can get a taste of whenever i feel like it. they require effort, time and sometimes, attention. having a very short attention span and being overly self-indulgent, i find this difficult. i tend to look after my own needs and wants first. and because i never take anyone seriously the way they want me to, guys find it difficult to trust me whenever i say something or when i claim that i like them the most. most of the time, they reply that i'm a player.
but now that times are changing and i'm being somewhat compelled to get mature, maybe it's time for me to get serious about someone. again, i know this is hard because my standards have become too high, too idealistic. graduating with honors have somewhat added to my ego and i now refuse to see anyone who has an IQ lower than mine or has not accomplished anything academically. i want someone who has a car, yes, he has to have a car because how else will he fetch and take me home after our dates? he also has to have an awesome sense of humor, a hot body and i shouldn't catch him ever scrimping on our dates. i hate cheapskates. it also won't hurt if he's a bit inclined in the arts and music, reads books and with a wonderful gift of gab that he can use on my mom. he should be able to take me to places, not necessarily those that require a lot of money, and be some random guy who will eventually show me the universe. plus, he has to love his family and has dreams of making it big. yes, yes, i am describing someone too perfect but i know, he exists. he is just out there and i know that whatever path in life we both take, we would end up together. nyahaha. i am romanticizing this too much. now this is why i am never in a hurry to get serious with anyone. i don't want to settle for anyone less than i deserve. i believe that my mom brought me up like a princess and no vagabond deserves me. this is snobbish but i believe this is a healthy idea. besides, i don't want to disappoint my mom by making the wrong choice. i would hate it if she will raise her eyebrows or scrunch her nose at someone i have just introduced to her. my mom's opinion matters a lot.
despite the perfect picture i have drawn of the guy i want to be with, all of those qualities will not ultimately matter if a guy will just do one thing, that is to prove me wrong. i am hard-headed and i do things my way and believe ideas i have conceptualized on my own. despite being a sucker for the power of suggestion, i ultimately listen to myself and blame others if i end up failing. i want someone who will challenge my ideologies, point out what's wrong in me and disprove the fallacies that constitute my inconsistencies. only then will nothing else matter. for me, this guy is a genius. and only then will i change to be a better person, someone who would consider the feelings and ideas of others before my own. love is not selfish, right? i need someone who will teach me to be unselfish and not to dwell on feelings of spite and scorn.
having said all these, i know now that i shouldn't be lazy anymore. finding this guy will take a lot of maturity and some effort from me. though they say that i should leave everything to fate, it will definitely help that i put some effort into getting to know people, rather than cancelling on them and pretending that i got sick at the very last minute. i may have met this guy already but i have been too lazy and too self-centered to realize that he is someone worth knowing.
yep, it's time. and i know i have enough people to keep me busy. even my good friend, jem, is making me date someone! it's too bad that those i have history with chooses to be nonchalant. it just goes to prove that i can do way, way better. but for now, i am not closing any doors or windows. all will be settled in due time. after all, aside from loving being treated like a delicate piece of china, i also like the chase, the feeling of being challenged. so, come get me or i'll come get you.
hahaha. =p
separated at birth?
eat dust. hahaha! =p
gotcha!
Latest Cities for Today
Manila, Manila, Philippines
Cebu City, Cebu City, Philippines
Quezon City, Quezon City, Philippines
Quezon City, Quezon City, Philippines
Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Cheung Shue Tan, Hong Kong
Makati, Rizal, Philippines
Abu Dhabi, Abu Zaby, United Arab Emirates
FYI, i have a site tracker. i happen to know where a blog visitor is, how he/she gains access to my blog and when he/she visits my blog. i also know what kind of keywords one uses to find my blog through search engines such as google and yahoo. and upon knowing these, i know by now that i have tons of cyberstalkers, some who even use my full name in search engines trying to find any tidbit of information about me.
at such, it's quite easy for me to infer who visits my blog from time to time. looking at these mapstats above, i wonder who these visitors are. hehehe. hmmm..most probably my fans. especially those from the philippines. =)
enjoy or should i say, eat. dust.
guy friends
ever since high school, i have always been closer to guys than to girls. honestly, i don't like girls. i think i have been traumatized by the fact that girls either hate me to death or actually really love me. even during grade school, a majority of girls in my class and even those in the higher grades seemed to get irked by me. on the other hand, the boys all end up liking me as a friend and naturally, i end up hanging out with them. up to now, i become wary whenever i get introduced to a girl because i worry that she'll end up not liking me or that she'll get annoyed by me. but with guys, i can easily get along with them and with just a few minutes of conversation, they become my friends and then eventually, close friends.
this is the reason i'm often branded as a flirt. but let's face it, i am a flirt. everyone knows this. i am a pathological flirt and sometimes, it just comes naturally. it's not something i can turn on or off at will. but this doesn't mean that i lead guys on. i happen to have plenty of guy friends where the relationship is purely platonic. i flirt more than usual when i like the guy and i easily send the message across that i like him more than a friend. tommy says i am a go-getter. well, i am. when i see something that i want, i go after it, without any qualms or inhibitions. and in the end, what i want, i get, regardless of the consequences. i am stubborn this way but i don't care, really.
this explains why people often find me with a group of guys where i'm the only girl around. this doesn't bother me at all that acquaintances and friends come up to me and say something like,"uy, nakita ka ng boyfriend ko kagabi sa meatshop, pinapalibutan ka daw ng mga guys." instead of being bothered, i feel nonchalant about this that people see me with guys all the time and that sometimes, ugly rumors spread. i really don't care. i'm happy with hanging out with them and being treated as the princess. plus, they're not boring and fuddy-duddy. conversations are very interesting and at times, uninhibited. i can say anything i want to and they won't look at me with raised eyebrows and pursed lips. plus, they are spontaneous and don't have curfews like me. a recent trip to the beach with guys was so much fun which further proves that i can be one of the guys without being actually ONE of the guys. i can still be as girly as i want.
plus, these guys have guy friends who they constantly make me date from time to time. see? more guys to choose from! hahaha. one downside to these is that whenever i'm out with them, other guys not in their circle can't come up to me and introduce themselves because i project the image of being taken even if i'm not. a lot have assumed that i have a boyfriend amongst them. well, maybe i do, maybe i don't. hahaha. the thing is other guys are now quite scared of coming up to me because of male boundaries.
this is the only downside though. i am enjoying every minute of this! it saddens me that i will start working soon and i won't get to spend as much time as i used to with my UP guy friends. jem even said, "mag-iiba na mundo mo. di ka na namin makakasama." this is really quite depressing but what are weekends for? and besides, i'm going back to school after a year so it's no biggie. i'll miss them terribly though.
one thing's for sure. i'll be extremely jealous if they find one girl to replace me. i know there are a lot of girls who would kill to be in my shoes right now. hehe. =p
beach-y pictures and some random stuff
tommy, one of my closest friends, finally e-mailed me the photos of our hundred islands trip! wee! here they are. enjoy! =)
emo moment. staring at the beach, oblivious of onlookers.
at dusk, staring at the horizon. the waves crashed at my feet. bliss.
hot chick on the sand with 3 sexy guys! hahaha. what a pervey moment. =p
with tommy checking me out. hardeeharhar!
with tommy again. this almost looks like a honeymoon picture!
with jem. giggling and fooling around like a couple of GIRLS! hahaha.
seeing this pictures make me want to go to the beach again. i am officially confined to my house this holy week. my mom told me not to go out this holy week as my so-called sacrifice. ahahay. i welcomed her suggestion because i was feeling tired from going out too much and from all the tasks that i needed to accomplish before graduation and before working. this morning, i was so happy just staring at my ceiling and wrapping myself with my comforter.
on monday, i'm going back to the supreme court for a blood test, urinalysis and to submit the results of my nbi drug test. i am also going to call nso and authenticate my birth certificate. then, i have to pay the authentication fee at metrobank. after all these, i have to go to UP to pass the soft copy of our thesis and settle stuff for graduation. emman told me that we have to get a clearance first. and then, i have to pay for the graduation fee. argh. monday is going to be a very hectic day. it's a good thing i have the holy week to recharge.
aside from all these, i have to buy a dress for graduation next week. my mom told me to start looking around already because she'll come home from the province on friday next week. my graduation is on sunday, april 23, so i don't have that much time to look for the perfect dress. hehehe. i plan to go shopping on wednesday but i already have an idea of what i want my dress to look like. i also want to get my hair cut next week in time for graduation. i already have a photo of the cut i want so that's pretty easy now. and then, i also have to get my nails done, of course. oh no, i am sounding way too superficial. but please don't blame me, i am totally excited about graduation day. i want everything to be absolutely perfect.
i called my mom a while ago and she asked me what my plans for graduation are. i told her i really don't have any plans. i just wanted the people close to me to be there. i asked caroline to go, by the way and my mom is bringing a lot of our relatives next week. i think we're all going out for lunch after college graduation and i get to choose. i think i'm choosing napoli this time or since my mom loves japanese food, some japanese restaurant. it doesn't really matter to me as long as the people i love are with me come that day.
on the subject of graduation gifts, i asked my tito marcos to buy me a digital camera and an iPOD since i lost mine a long time ago. he just left for the states and coming back this may so he promised to buy me a lot of gadgets. i even hinted that i wanted an iBOOK. hehehe. brat. i'm not really much of a techie so i'll be happy with the camera, iPOD and the iBOOK. hahaha. for my other titas and titos especially my favorite, tita mila, i think i'm just going to receive a lot of cash. money, money, money! i can't wait. =p
ewa, one of my good college friends, texted me about the galera trip he's planning for our batch after graduation which is tentatively scheduled on april26-28. i'm excited! i can't wait to go back to the beach with friends. i already asked permission from my mom a while ago and she said it's ok for me to go as long as it doesn't interfere with my job. i know this won't be the last time this summer that i'd get to go to the beach because my closest guy friends are also planning a semstarter this may to some beach. i hope it's on the weekend so i'd be able to go. i even coaxed caroline to go with me.
marvin, one of my k-9 club friends, promised to treat me to dinner as his graduation gift to me to the restaurant of my choice. naturally, i chose heaven n' eggs. yum. he said we're going to have dinner next week. wow, what a sweetie. pao, on the other hand, wants to see me as soon as he gets back from taal and subic. he knows i've been a bit sick for the past few days so he's been texting me nonstop to rest. and then, another good guy friend promised to go with me to watch ice age 2 next week. i'll treat him to the movies and in return, he'll buy me a hotdog and a coke! hahaha. now, that's fun!
whew. next week is really going to be very busy. i'm going to need some calming and soothing.
cranky and lazy
i am exhausted. i just got home from manila where i got a physical examination and an x-ray at the supreme court. then, i took a drug test at nbi taft and then applied for an nbi clearance at carriedo. aside from waking up at 7am this morning and having a pounding headache since last night, the summer heat really got into my nerves. i was cranky for practically the whole morning. it's a good thing there was a mini stop branch somewhere near the supreme court so i was able to unwind. mini stop has good memories for me so it's easy for me to unwind at a mini stop branch anywhere. of course, a big bottle of apple C2 is a must. i'll get even more cranky if the cashier will tell me they're out of stock. it's a good thing i had all the apple C2 that i want a while ago. i easily stepped back into my comfort zone.
being the lazybones that i am, i was so pissed when i learned that i had to get a lot of papers and undergo a lot of tests just to start working. give. me. a. break. as if the entrance essays, exams and interviews weren't hard enough! argh. even if i am already assured with the job, i am pissed that i still have to undergo a lot of shit before i start working on may 3. well, this is the cranky me speaking. i really, really hate bureaucracy and now, it's pinching me everywhere! argh.
i was also so cranky last night that i was lashing it out to everyone, even to my thesis partner, emman. i totally hate myself for being so grouchy to him last night. it's not my fault that we're required to pass our thesis in a pdf file. i was too lazy to do anything about it. i just wanted to burn the CD with our word document and pass it. argh. i really was cranky.
i was even more bratty towards my mom. i told her that i needed money now. at this very instant. and to think i have been splurging more than usual and i am graduating which gives me the realization that i shouldn't demand for money anymore. plus, she is giving me more than enough. i am just being selfish about it because my cousin keeps on borrowing money from me. and her debt is accumulating! i know for a fact that it will again take a long time for her to pay me back. argh. i again hate myself for spending too much and asking too much. i have more than i need but my bratty side is again rearing its ugly head.
my boyfriend and i were supposed to have lunch today and then check in at this swanky hotel for the day. but since i was feeling cranky and lazy, i cancelled our date and told him i was sick. and now, he's leaving for subic to spend the holy week there and i'll be left behind here in the city. i hate me. i hate me. he asked me to go with him but again, i declined because i just wanted to stay home and stare at my ceiling for the whole week. and tonight, i have already made plans that don't include him. evil, evil, evil. besides, i'm eyeing someone tonight. someone like watermelon. hehe.
my K-9 club guy friends are leaving for bicol tonight to go whale-watching and they have invited me again. last time, they went to an island with white sand in quezon and i refused to go with them. now, i have again declined. though it's so much fun spending time with these guys and i have developed crushes on two of them, 13 hours of travelling to bicol is too much for my lazy ass. besides, marvin tells me they are not sure yet. if they will not push through with the trip, they'll just be hanging out at meatshop tonight. now, that's more like it. hehehe. i plan to hang out there tonight with caroline and some other guy friends.
two more weeks to go and i will start working at the supreme court. i am excited and i am dreading it at the same time. argh. it's a good thing my boyfriend, who is taking his masters in applied media at lasalle taft, promised to take a poetry course this summer in lasalle as well so that he could see me everyday after work. now, that's a reason for me not to be too cranky and lazy anymore.
and of course, there's the possibility of watermelon later. ahahay. =)
officially beached
i'm back in the city! and i am officially beached. hehehe. torn over where to go last weekend, i have decided to go to hundred islands, pangasinan with 7 guy friends. supposedly, there were more than 7 of them but some didn't make it. naturally, i was the princess. i had a blast! i had so much fun frolicking in the sun and sand with some of my closest guy friends.
we slept in tents and got drunk at night by the beach. i had a large appetite as they really ate a LOT. i had so much FUN that i don't regret missing the stuff that i didn't go to last weekend. the beach and the boys compensated for everything. it was so much fun being the only girl among a group of boys. wink, wink. hahahaha. =p nothing beats being treated as the princess.
we took a lot of pictures but tommy hasn't e-mailed me the photos yet. i'll post them the moment i receive them. the photos are hot and intriguing so you guys better watch out for them. hehehe. he promised to e-mail them to me tonight. i'm excited. hehehe.
boohoo to the boys who weren't able to go. hahahaha. =p
i missed the watermelon though. it's a good thing i'll be seeing him tomorrow night. =)
metalmouth
yes, i now have braces. but, i am liking them. a lot of people told me i actually look good with them and maya told me she now thinks i'm pretty. hehehe. no more girly-girl looks but she said i looked really mature. huh? what a surprise. i was worried people would tell me i looked like a geek.
a lot of compliments are coming because of my braces. this is really funny because i was dreading getting them two weeks ago. and i was constantly complaining that i can't eat my favorite foods. but now, everything is A-ok. hehehe.
i likey.
torn
puerto galera with grepa friends on the weekend.
ball with sorority sisters, friday night.
laguna or tagaytay road trip with pao, friday night.
party with K-9 club friends, friday night.
beachin' and baguio with masig, thursday-saturday.
i have to choose just one! because they all overlap. argh. hmmm..how can i decide? i'll just go where caroline wants to go. hehehe.
what a hectic social schedule. nya..
weird
i am exhausted. i just took a psychological exam for my job at the supreme court and i am so drained from staring at ink blots and completing sentences. hehehe. what made the exam more exhausting was the fact that i was up until 4am this morning, drinking with some guy friends at mindanao ave. it's a good thing they all thought i was too drunk to drive so tommy drove my vitara, alecsander (yep, i named him already!), home with heaven while i rode with jaips on his car. the funny thing was as we got to my house, tommy immediately hopped out of my vitara, jumped into jaips' car and left heaven, sleeping in the passenger seat, to me! argh.
tommy is really a schemer. he knows heaven and i just had a fight last sunday but still, he left him with me. too tired to take him home to katipunan, he crashed at my house and naturally, we ended up talking to each other in the morning despite the angst. what's even funnier is that we ended up making up and forgetting that we were at each other's throats a day ago. quoting my cousin, bap, "ang weird niyo talaga, sobra. di ko kayo gets."
anyway, we're ok, AGAIN. hahaha. even tommy said, "pangpelikula talaga ang love-hate relationship niyo, sobra!" hahahaha. oh well, towel. it's a lot of fun though. with me being totally spiteful last night, i now don't see the point why i did some things out of spite. and now, i am tired. nyahaha. i regret nothing though. it was all serendipitous.
caroline and alecsander (the person) would definitely kill me now, upon reading this blog entry and with me swearing to the stars that i will cut off all ties with him. however, i'm leaving something out in this entry. nobody knows what exactly is going on in my head. some actions may have ulterior motives. but then again, some may not.
hahahaha.
position?
i just learned my position at the supreme court today. and i almost toppled out of my seat when my boss told me. don't laugh, everybody, but i am the newest NEWS ANALYST of the supreme court. hardeeharhar.
who would have thought that i would become a news analyst? but then again, i think i have always been a news analyst. caroline and i have always been analyzing new stuff and new people. hahaha.
maybe i'm a born news analyst. hahahaha.
wake up and smell the barbeque
being a meatshop mainstay, i often get stuck there, drinking and talking with friends and then eventually, smelling like barbeque. the realization that i smell like barbeque stings and hurts like hell because it means lazy me has to take a shower when i get home. i know someone who can't smell that she smells like barbeque. meaning, she just doesn't get it.
wake up and smell the barbeque. he doesn't love you. heck, he doesn't even like you. his brods shiver at the sound of your name, if not wondering who the hell you are.
when a guy denies that you are special to him and when he doesn't even acknowledge your presence in public, it means you're not special to him at all. true love means being unashamed of the person you love, regardless of all complications. the smell of barbeque is as pungent as ever here.
and i don't give a damn whether you are fighting over the pictures or not. i would gladly giftwrap him a.k.a sherm, sign the box with compliments and have it delivered to your doorstep very early in the morning. maybe you love him enough to endure his denials.
but then again, wake up and smell the sisig instead. love is not odorless.
technically and in the eyes of everyone, he's mine. although it's a farce i'd rather not live with right now.
hehehe.
