i want some cocaine
i have been so clean, so sober lately that i need some of this. yes, i am on a natural high but please, give me some artificial highs. i miss the effortless feeling. hahaha. =p
i want six cans of this for my birthday on december. and since it's only sold in the states, you guys still have time to order and have it shipped. yay!
some background info from socialitelife.com: The legal alternative is said to be 350% stronger than Red Bull and lasts for five hours. A concoction of high doses of B12 and simple sugars create a buzz feeling and tastes like cherry Jolly Ranchers.
The drink was created by Redux Beverages that brewed "Cocaine" in their home base at Las Vegas. The target consumer is for party goers versus the health nut. "Cocaine will be sold in the Manhattan area in nightclubs and a few select stores."
A few guinea pigs tested the drink and reported mixed feelings.
"I don't like the tingly feeling in my chest. I feel my heart racing - and I'm not being paranoid . . . I feel looped!"
The makers of the drink did admit to adding an ingredient to simulate the oral sensation and numb the throat that comes with using the real drug.
golly, i likey! it's only caffeine-amped, you see! =p
a year after
it's been a year since last september that i was at my craziest. comparing that time to this september, i can't help but heave a sigh of relief that i am no longer at that phase, that stage where i neglected all the norms and went on with the unconventional. i am a miss priss now compared to then. i got so crazy i shunned every reasonable piece of advice that came my way. i didn't care. nothing mattered except for the things that i wanted to do and the people i wanted to do them with. i became so self-centered that relationships with people became like games to me, where i would persist to win. my life was at a frenzied pace. i couldn't find peace that i tried to mask everything with spontaneous, unrestrained actions.
i was sort of demented. i have mistaken attachment for love, infatuation for passion and nonchalance for vengeance. at such, i ended up fast forwarding everything and sleeping as much as possible to escape the fact that i am wrecking everything. my life was so full of noise, controversy, rumors and stupid decisions.
but now, i feel at peace. i savor in the tranquility. i wake up everyday refreshed and would rather stay home than go out and party till i become all silly and loopy. i properly acknowledge my priorities and try to act as maturely as possible. i have changed. my world has become smaller, somewhat sheltered, but i am not aching to have my old world back. i actually think that this is the one that suits me, the one that brings out the best in me. he is a vital factor in this change.
it's why i don't find my spending way too much time with him wrong or unhealthy. if any, it is what's making me feel more alive than ever. prior to being us, i was also on the threshold of bouncing back to that crazy lifestyle. i couldn't let go but he made me want to relinquish that chaotic life and say yes to myself. he saved me at a time i need saving the most. if that's not destiny, then, i don't know what destiny is. his love made me want to be good for him and it is also what's gently chastising me right now, to do what is right and to avoid settling for being someone lesser than what my true self really deserves.
a story of a boy and a girl
boy meets girl. boy falls in love with girl. girl falls in love with boy. now what?
it was one of the most nerve-wracking nights of her life. the tension in the room was so thick she could slice it with a butcher's knife. it was weird. they were both 22, graduates from a prestigious university, now in the workforce and reasonably mature individuals. asking permission to do something conservatives would bash them for was really something she never expected them to do. her parental unit is known for her coolness and leniency but she was playing with a hunch that she would inevitably say no, given that she has really high hopes and expectations for the two of them. and yes, she likes him but is that enough? can she accept the fact that times are changing and that the thing they are asking for is pretty much accepted and shrugged about?
though they had a good argument, things went emotional. well, it was expected. they were all emotional in the room, having a topic so sensitive that almost no only child would ask the woman who brought her into this chaotic but beautiful world. but, good old lady luck helped them out and she, to their surprise, said yes. given that there are certain arrangements, of course. and that it wouldn't get in the way of their studying, blah, blah, blah. and that they would be responsible to face its consequences, no matter how hard and life-changing they may be. it's nice to know that she came from someone so liberal and open-minded, the girl thought.
after the quite short but really tense conversation, they heaved a sigh of relief. it was over and done with. they had permission. now, they have other domestic stuff to think about. gahd, she's hoping they won't be at each other's throats soon. she does tend to be messy, after all. sharing the exactly same land coordinates is not going to be all chocolates and rainbows. though they know, days are bound to be fun. the future looms ahead for this boy and girl, who are both wishing for a happy ending.
defined in extremes
"i am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me."
if i die today, i know and i firmly believe that i would die happy. i would face death with a grim expression and say, "bring it on." if it's really my time, dying wouldn't scare me. instead, i would welcome it with the happy thought that i will finally be enlightened on all the mysteries of a higher power and the universe. i have led a wonderful life. this one's actually my second one, after surviving a terrible car accident, that i believe that i have lived each day to the fullest and have extracted every happy and sad experience out of all the things i have done and places i have gone to.
i know there are a lot of things that i can still do and that i want to do. but, i have been so blessed in my 21 years of existence that i feel that asking for more might mean asking too much out of life. i have loved and been loved in return. i know i have touched plenty of people's lives and theirs have touched mine as well. i have gone to places that have showed me how beautiful it is to live, to smile, to cry and to simply, stare at the horizon for hours. i have committed plenty of mistakes and i have learned from all of them.
i believe that i have become both book-smart and street-smart. i have done a lot of things that would make my mom cringe. hahaha. and i know i have, during one part in my life, thrown all caution into the wind and done everything i wanted to do for the heck of it, just because i wanted to, regardless of the consequences and it felt great. it was exhilarating. given another life, i would do everything again and i wouldn't change anything at all. i regret nothing because everything i have done and all the people i have done it with molded me into the person that i am today, a person not afraid to be her own person. a person who does not rely on other people's impressions. a person who actually breathes amidst a busy schedule. and a person who may sometimes think that all things in life are petty and that some things shouldn't be taken way too seriously. despite the numerous rumors that i have heard about me, i don't even bat an eyelash or raise an eyebrow whenever i hear a new one. after all, it's not the stories told about me that ultimately matter but what i meant to the people who know the real me.
my reputation has been somewhat overrated and some of the negative things people spread about me are 70% untrue and 30%, pretty much accurate. my image has been defined in extremes, from the prissy girl to the wild, party chick. both are true, by the way, and now, i am still struggling to define which one fits me best. maybe, the one in between? but the most important thing i have learned from this life is to stop defining who you are and just live life one day at a time. relax and set goals. work hard to achieve what you want and be nice to those you meet along the way. pay it forward, if i may quote. and then, everything will fall into its place. most of all, i learned to be resilient and never fear falling in love and loving people the whole world might say are wrong for you. defiance sometimes builds the strongest of backbones and brats often persist to be the best. i am a spoiled brat and i have no plans of morphing into someone i'm not just to satisfy civil society's expectations of how a 21-year-old woman should behave.
i am truly happy and i say that with conviction. again, if i were to die unexpectedly, there wouldn't be any ghost of me screaming and shrieking around like a banshee because it wouldn't move on from this world. i know i have reached my highest highs and enjoyed even my lowest lows. life has given me a lot and at this point in time, no words of bitterness can escape from my lips.
this is such an emo entry. hehe. a nice prologue to my future autobiography, eh? =)
to spain, russia and france
as one of the supreme court's usherettes in the upcoming global forum on liberty and prosperity at the makati shang, the sc has required me to attend the spanish, russian and french classes every monday, wednesday and friday. part of me is thrilled because i would like to go to spain, russia and france someday and knowing their conversational languages would definitely come in handy. a part of me though is agitated because i know i have a VERY short attention span which causes me to get bored easily. the classes are for two hours per session. in UP, classes are normally for one and a half hours. with that, i was easily bored already and i couldn't wait to get out of the room. how much more when the language class is for two, full hours? argh. oh well. it will be a learning experience, is for FREE and has free modules as well. who am i to complain, eh?
anyway, i attended the spanish class last monday and i enjoyed every minute of it. i already know a bit of spanish already and i easily grasped the grammar rules and pronunciation. spanish is quite easy if you ask me, maybe because a lot of spanish words are already included in the filipino language. plus, the lecturer was young and was very witty.
yesterday, i attended the russian class and let me stress this, russian is quite HARD. they have a different alphabet and would you believe that they pronounce C as S and P as R? i was a bit confused but it was also fun nonetheless. i now know how to write in russian! but, the diction is quite hard and the words are really long.
tomorrow is the french class and i am really excited. ooh-la-la! i love everything french. french fries (haha!), french manicures, french drapes, french doors, french perfumes, french labels and designers..well, you get my drift. hehehe. =p and hearing people speak french sounds so classy. i am definitely looking forward to my french class.
i feel so deprived in college because the journalism curriculum didn't include and authorize language classes. so, it's good that i'm being exposed to language classes now. and, i can put in my resume that i can speak conversational spanish, russian and french. wow, how shalei. =p
well, that's it for today. adios, poka and au revoir! teehee. gracias, spasiba and merci for dropping by. =)
etched in my brain
i saw an old friend at v-mall, greenhills last wednesday and though we haven't spoken to one another for almost two years and i was a bit hesitant of calling out his name, i did. my cousin, bap who also grew quite close to him, also called out his name with me. fortunately, he heard us, waved and smiled back. a weird feeling overcame me at that moment. i didn't know if it was plain relief or pure happiness that he wasn't mad at me and would still acknowledge my presence when the time comes that we're around each other.
he was one of the closest guy friends i have ever had. we were really great friends when i was in junior year in college and i practically relied on him for almost anything. i pretty much believed that he knew everything so whenever i encounter a problem, it was his phone number i dial or his cellphone number i send a text mesage to. plus, i used to borrow stuff from him all the time! i would stay on the phone for hours with him and watch television shows together. we were very touchy-feely and my friends even thought that we were on the verge of getting together. i loved him dearly as a friend and i often went to him for advice and whenever i'm down in the dumps over a spat with a guy.
then, i had a boyfriend. he was shocked when he heard the news and asked me why. it was then that i discovered that all of my friends' suspicions were correct. he was in love with me while, i, on the other hand, didn't consider him as a choice. he was a close friend, nothing more, nothing less. i didn't look at him as someone in a romantic level. i considered our relationship to be platonic and he takes care of me the way an older brother treats his younger sister. yes, i was uber dense. i didn't know he had feelings for me that intense because he didn't tell me so. i didn't want to assume so as result, i turned blind to what was supposedly signs of love.
learning he loved me was difficult. i was stuck. i didn't want to lose him as a good friend but i know he was constantly hurt whenever i mention my then boyfriend. after some time, he got a girlfriend who i also knew. nobody knew that he loved me and i think it was best that way. we became really good friends again and he was the "crying shoulder" of my senior year in college.
when he graduated, we barely talked on the phone anymore and exchanged text messages. we lost touch and i remember one time that i just called him up to ask the phone number of one of our common friends. when he asked, "that's the only reason you called?" i replied, "ah..yup?" he grunted and said, "ok, ganyan ka naman eh. naaalala mo lang ako pag may kailangan ka." i was speechless and dumbfounded. i knew he was right. i then realized that in a friendship, sometimes you have to consider that a friend may need to talk to you, bond with you or simply exchange silly stuff with you even if they don't say it. i was too self-centered because when everything's going well with my life, i forgot about him. i neglected him. and i failed to reach out to him the way i used to when everything was going bad. worse, i even broke his heart. stupid, stupid girl.
that was the last time we talked because i was too embarassed and apprehensive to talk to or text him. last week, i realized i actually miss him. he was the only one who called me "sheila." i could invent words and he would laugh at them. he stayed awake just to entertain me on the phone during sleepless nights. he helped me with my homework. he woke up early just to lend me something. he treated me to chicken nuggets all the time. he bought me a McDo watch because i found it cute. he understood me when everyone else thought me to be irresponsible. he supported me in everything. and he always complimented me though sometimes, i knew i just did something stupid. he even did one of my major projects in one of my classes and cooked my groupmates dinner. we hung out and went to places together. he was really a genuinely good friend. and it sucks to realize now that i freakin' took him for granted.
argh. now, i don't know what to do. should i reach out to him? i think two years practically changed both of us and it would be hard to rekindle the friendship. but i would forever beat myself up if i stick to the act of letting a really good friend go. forever. good friends are, after all, hard to find.
should i call him? or text him? after all, his digits are forever etched in my brain.
movie and cheerdance review plus yael sighting
i am mentally kicking myself in the shins and pulling out clumps of my hair. hehe. almost all of the spongecola e-group mails were all about how great the album launch was, how awesome the band was and how nice they all were as they signed all the listers' album covers. argh. i am so regretting my not going. so where was i that night? because i was feeling lazy and it was raining cats and dogs last friday night, i opted for a pedicure, met hun for dinner at world chicken and watched with him the movie that i was secretly craving for to watch, you are the one. though i love spongecola to smithereens and have the biggest crush on yael, i considered it a fun, fun friday night.
the movie was a girly romantic comedy and yes, i am classifying it as a movie typical of sam milby. sam milby+lovestruck, funny female lead+out-of-town trips in the film=instant hit. no, i don't consider his type of movie as jologs. i actually like this type of film because it is a refreshing flick from all of the overhyped Hollywood movies that we, Filipinos, flock to. it's fun to see fellow filipinos act on screen and depict feel-good everyday experiences. plus, this movie is also about filipinos wanting to migrate to the US. toni gonzaga's character also works for the government which i can really relate to. plus, her parents are bugging her to go to the states as much as my mom is bugging me. hahaha. i loved this film as much as i loved close to you, the sam milby-bea alonzo-john lloyd cruz starrer. cheers for tasteful pinoy romantic comedies. though, i admit, i hated the part in the end where sam talked as if he was in his "i want to be complete" centrum commercial. it's a bit overboard. yeah, yeah, i know you're endorsing centrum. blech. and toni gonzaga doesn't look too pretty in this movie. i don't think her hairstyle suits her face's bone structure and features.
saturday was a grepa day but i managed a hair treatment and a trim into my lazy schedule before dinner. hehe. and then on sunday, i went to my usual review class where i was taught by the best lecturer we ever had so far. at 12 noon, i rushed to the araneta coliseum where hun was waiting for me to watch the UAAP cheerdance competition. i thought FEU was going to win, with UST second and then UP, third. but it turned out that UST won. AGAIN. though i was impressed with UP's routine, i thought they didn't outdo themselves this time. i knew they can do better than this year's routine. i think what made FEU garner second place is because the FEU crowd were in full force, with special color-coordinated uniforms, hankies and banners. audience participation is 10 points so they may have achieved full points for that. and they have pretty impressive jumps and choreography. though he was in UP for five years, it was hun's first time to watch the cheer competition. what a dork. hahaha. i told him he was unlucky because UP didn't win second, as compared to the past four (?) years. well, we're going to watch it again next year. hopefully, UP does better. UP, fight! hehehe. =p
anyhoo, after the competition, we ate at razon's and walked around araneta center for a while. i practically fainted when we were walking along a parking lot and, a black RAV-4 maneuvered to enter the lot. guess who was in the RAV-4? it was YAEL driving! and he was alone! i gripped hun's hand so tight my fingernails were imprinted on it after. maybe it was fate telling me that i should have gone to the album launch. or maybe it was fate's way of compensating my missing their gig. it was totally serendipitous. i was giggling and acting like a total fan-girl. i was really, really starstruck. if i wasn't with hun that night, i would have definitely stalked yael and found out where he was going. hahaha. creepy stalker. i'm just kidding. i might have waved hi to him though. i didn't because hun was practically staring daggers at me out of jealousy. hahaha. =p
i'm definitely buying a copy of their new album, transit, this week. congratulations to spongecola for a successful album launch! it's really too bad i didn't go. oh well, there's always their next gig. =)
sick in the midweek
i was sick for three, straight days and i missed two days of work. blech. i hate being sick because i don't get to do anything productive and even simple things like going up the stairs take me out of breath. i had a really bad cold which makes everything taste like paper and even my favorite cookies and chocolate mallows failed to bring a smile out of my pallid, miserable face.
however, being sick has its advantages. i was able to sleep all day, watch VCDs/DVDs of movies i haven't watched yet like the exorcism of emily rose and red eye, drink as much apple C2 as i want and be pampered to the max by my mom, my yaya and my boyfriend (duh!). everybody's lives revolved around me and i enjoyed ALL the attention. hahaha.
last wednesday night, my mom wanted to take us shopping and treat us to dinner since it's her birthday tomorrow and she won't be here in manila to celebrate. i forced myself out of bed because even though i was really, really sick, it was my mom asking me to have dinner with her. and who was i to say no? not to mention she's taking me shopping! so, we (my mom, my cousin, bap, my boyfriend and my mom) went to greenhills shopping center, shopped for a bit and then, ate at italliani's where the waiters and waitresses sang happy birthday ala italliani's to my mom. though i was sniffling and coughing 75 percent of the time, i had fun nonetheless. =)
yesterday, i woke up feeling worse. i concluded it may be because of all the walking around greenhills that led me to this. so, i stayed home. again. in the afternoon, my mom was asking me to go to david's salon with her. though i was excited to get a hair treatment and a pedicure which will all be paid for by her, i declined because i was, well, SICK. darn it. i slept the afternoon away and woke up at dinner time. after dinner, my mom left for tuguegarao already with her parting words saying that i should go to the doctor, blah, blah. my mom is such a worrywart. and oh, hun and i got her this big, black leather bag from wade as a birthday present. she lurves bags! especially black ones.
and then today, i'm feeling a bit better and i'm back at work. i'm definitely looking forward to a pedicure and some shopping later. happy weekend, everyone! please pray that i won't get sick again. =p
fun, fun weekend with some blasts from the past
my weekend was an absolute blast! hun and i went to the penshoppe denimlab rockfest last friday night and it was so much fun! we pigged out on wendy's burgers, fries, corn (both popped and cooked) and drank a lot of iced tea we badly had to pee after the show! hahaha. instead of sitting at the upper box, we serendipitously got into the lower box right smack the ramp! talk about being lucky. plus, we got there early despite worrying we might arrive late because we came all the way from traffic-induced manila!
the rockfest was great and i enjoyed spongecola (of course), sandwich, kamikazee (doo-bi-doo!), up dharma down, dicta license (they rock!) and the one and only bamboo (they closed the show). jericho rosales, heart evangelista, nikki gil and some hot models walked the ramp. it was so much fun teasing hun that i looked like nikki gil a lot! well, it's true! hahaha. i have this entry way back here showing a photo of mine and hers put side by side and you can't deny the similarities! everyone says so. duh.
anyway, we got home at around 12 midnight where i immediately fell asleep from exhaustion out of screaming myself hoarse at the concert. my highschool bestfriend, erwie, actually slept over that night but i didn't get to see her till saturday morning. when i woke up, we had lunch and then met up with another blast from the past, ronson, one of our best friends ever. the three of us, together with laj and sonar (two other guys), were really tight in highschool so it was so much fun catching up and talking about the good, old highschool days. we even took a lot of photos which i will post soon on my multiply site, STARcie in cyberspace. we went to robinson's place, manila because hun was there working out at fitness first. we roamed around the mall for a while, watched the spongecola performance where ronson sneaked in backstage to take a photo of yael (he is so ridiculously funny!) and ate dinner at some grill place. then, the four of us went to malate and drank pina coladas and danced the night away! erwie, though tired from dancing at the jam-packed dance floor, took a bus to baguio at 2am. talk about a short encounter but anyhoo, she'll be back again this coming weekend.
i woke up really late sunday morning so i skipped my review class and just had lunch with ronson at home. he went home right after lunch and i planted my lazy ass in my bed, snuggled in my comforter, watched television and dozed to sleep from time to time. i totally grepalifed. at around 5pm though, i took a bath, ate some chips and sandwiches and self-studied the stuff i missed from my review class. though this day was like 80 percent grepa, it was fulfilling to finish all the chapters on logical reasoning that i missed. i then went to sleep with a smile of satisfaction on my face. sigh..i definitely live for this kind of weekend. =)
